Cold Victory

Charlotte watched the exchange of glances between Jasha and Graham and felt a pain so intense it was almost physical. With all her heart she wished she were in Jasha’s shoes. This ought to be my wedding, she screamed in silence. David and I should be marrying. She didn’t mean instead of Jasha and Graham; she did not begrudge Jasha her happiness. Yet she wanted to share it so much that she could not bear to watch the way Graham and Jasha kissed. She turned to look the other way as Robin and Christian laughingly protested, “Graham! You’re supposed to wait until after the ceremony!”

Robin started ushering Graham toward the front of the Church, while Christian offered his compliments to Jasha. She did look lovely. What a contrast to the slave labourer in faded, work clothes, clogs and a scarf tied under her chin who had arrived at Walmsdorf on the back of a Wehrmacht lorry in the middle of the war!

Charlotte turned her attention to Emily. Her barely formed hopes that Emily might bring David shattered when she saw Emily was alone. Then she told herself that was probably for the best. What could she have said to David?

Yet in the pit of her stomach, she still saw him as her knight in shining armour. She still hoped that he would break the evil spell entrapping her. He would kill the hideous dragon holding her prisoner to her girlhood oath. He would free her from the chains binding her to a selfish, embittered man the way St. George had freed the princess chained to a rock in the sea. David, David, David! Her heart screamed. Rescue me! Please rescue me.

Only the silence answered.

Emily was coming towards her, but Charlotte did not want to have to explain herself. She was relieved when the organ started playing Bach’s “Awake!” and the priest gestured for the little wedding party to take their places. Graham already stood at the front of the church with Robin beside him. Emily gestured for Charlotte to follow her, but Charlotte preferred to go to the far aisle so she could slide into the pew from the outside. That way Christian was between them. After they were both seated, she formally offered Emily her hand across Christian with a short “hello.” Meanwhile, Father Lucas took up his position and the organ switched to Bach’s “Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring.” Every eye turned toward Jasha coming up the aisle alone with the roses in her arms.

“Why not me too?” Charlotte asked the nothingness around her. “She was raped too! She’s no better than me! They trampled her and pissed on her no less than me! Why doesn’t it matter to her? Or Graham?” She turned to look at the man standing before the altar with a look in his eyes that did not acknowledge that Jasha had been defiled and debased. Yet she knew he knew because Jasha had told him.

Jasha reached the foot of the altar, and the ceremony began. The vows were readily and unhesitatingly exchanged. Robin handed Graham the wedding ring, which he slipped on Jasha’s finger. Father Lucas pronounced them ‘man and wife,’ and they kissed. They took communion kneeling side-by-side, signed the wedding registry, and the priest blessed them again. It was over in no more than twenty minutes.

Emily, Christian and Robin encircled the couple offering congratulations. Emily hugged Jasha and Jasha thanked her. Unfairly, that hurt. Jasha had been Charlotte’s best friend through the last years of the war, during their flight from the Red Army and throughout the siege of Berlin. When had she lost Jasha to Emily?

Then she remembered that Jasha was now the wife of a British colonel, just like Emily. They were equals. And Jasha would soon have a British passport, too. If the Ivans threatened to occupy the rest of Berlin, she would be able to leave along with Emily and Robin — and David. But David wouldn’t take Charlotte with him when he went. Why should he? She had rejected him for Fritz. So, she would be left to the Ivans. Charlotte shuddered. Mentally, she felt the cold metal of the pistol in her hand. She would kill at least one of them before she took her own life. They would not humiliate her again—

“Are you all right, Charlotte?” Emily asked, touching her elbow.

“I’m just a little chilly,” Charlotte answered, pulling away.

“Yes, it’s much too cold in here!” Graham announced. “I have a table for six at the Hotel Olympia. Let’s go!”

They moved down the aisle in a gaggle and split into two parties. Graham and Jasha climbed into his vehicle, while Emily invited Christian and Charlotte to join Robin and her in the RAF staff car. Robin sat in front beside the driver, while Emily and the two Germans crowded into the backseat.

Leaning across Christian, Emily addressed Charlotte, “I’m so glad we have a moment together. I spoke to David this afternoon….”

Charlotte’s heart leapt and she held her breath, unconsciously hoping for the flap of angel wings that would accompany redemption.

“… He has decided to return to the UK for an indefinite period and ….”

Charlotte’s misery was so great she didn’t listen to what Emily said after that. Something about Dakotas and cottages and people Charlotte didn’t know. None of it was important. He was abandoning her….

“Would you think about that?” Emily asked.

“What?”

“Coming back to work and handling the clients again. We really can’t keep the ambulance flying without someone in the office fielding requests, developing flight plans, and ensuring a nurse is available — at least until our own arrives. We need you Charlotte.”

Long before Emily finished speaking, Charlotte was shaking her head. She couldn’t possibly return to the office. She couldn’t face the other workers or the hospital administrators. Besides, she had never dared tell Fritz about the job. She knew he’d be furious and jealous and — never mind. He objected to her being away from him for any reason. He felt she owed him her whole life.

“Why not?” Emily asked, baffled.

“I have to look after Fritz. He needs me.” Charlotte mumbled. She could feel Christian turn his gaze on her, and his eyes burned into her.

Distressed, Emily remonstrated, “But surely you could —”

“No!” Charlotte snapped. She turned to look out the window, ending the conversation. Besides, with her gaze fixed on the passing street, Emily wouldn’t be able to read from her eyes how terrified and miserable she was.