Of course, there is always an exception to every rule. Those male individuals who gawk and ogle at women are blatantly transparent with an obvious modus operandi. If you are a male gawker or ogler, forget it! You are beyond hope. You stand there drooling and you are not only susceptible to the hook (or hooker), you likely invite such behavior with that wantoned look on your face. A quick wink or fleeting eye contact and you are putty in the hands of the winker. Dictate your last will and testament and have it notarized that you are legally insane for it is all over for you.
For the rest of us who don’t see boobs in anything and everything that moves, try to reduce the psychological approach-avoidance conflict. There are many time-tested approaches you can use to avoid attempts by a BR woman to initiate the eye contact attack and its magnetic pull. Some of these avoidant strategies may be familiar to you.
- Think of the names of baseball players
- Calculatepi (22 divided by…Anyone? Anyone?)
- Become self-absorbed in the true meaning of life
- Think of something or some place real cold orfreezing like the Arctic, ice cubes, winter inMinnesota or your ex-spouse
- Imagine yourself in cryogenic stasis
- Try to figure out with all the potential names forplanets in our universe, why would anybody name 7thplanet from the sun, ‘Uranus’
- Review the sequence of steps required to stop yourVCR clock from blinking 12:00
- Drool over surfing your television with a remote inone hand and a beer in the other
- Contemplate celibacy and a vocation to thepriesthood
- Practice stand-up yoga and use your navel as a focalpoint
- Envision Mr. Potato Head or your favorite Chia-Pet
- Pretend it’s April 15thof any year—procrastinatorsneed no further explanation
- Think about your mother or the bearded lady
- Ponder, what is a Pee Wee Herman
- Two words: Transcendental Meditation
- Think about CPMS (see Manifesto 6)
- Think about another guy; well, maybe not. Dowhatever it takes to distract you from the gaze ofMrs.Right.
For those of you men who are not adept at suchmind games, that is, you can best be characterized bythe proverb—forgive me, if you are reading this book,you probably don’t know what a proverb is…you canbest be characterized by the saying, “Deep waters runvery still,” you must choose an alternative tactic toavoid the seductive eyes of vampy vamps. Remember:
Loose Eyes Sink Guys!
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