There are a small percentage of women who likedisgusting and tasteless men like you. Remember,RB(Rule Breakin’) women will try to date any male thatshows the slightest sign of life even if it is sustained bya respirator and interminable tubing. This warning,therefore, serves as due notice and your reading thereofexonerates the author if the above-specified strategiesactually encourage rather than discourage theassumableMrs.Right.Even the most disgusting of allmen has his match in some dimension of the universe—of course, not necessarily our universe.
If you find that being disgusting and crude isactually encouraging the woman you are attempting toshy away from, tone down your uncouthness.
- Pick your nose and grin, but don’t eat what you pick(hence the termpickin’ and grinin’)
- Pick up a butt off the floor and put it in your pocketto enjoy in the privacy of your own home
- Drool out of only one side of your mouth and don’tcarry a spittoon
- Raise your hands slightly and sniff your armpitsdiscreetly
- Never turn sideways—be forward by steppingbackward
- Only play single armpit tunes
- Never itch yourself like you played any kind ofsports
- Pick your ear, but realize what you’re doing andnonchalantly hold that pose
- Scratch your head lightly to suggest dandruff only
- When you talk to yourself, never, never under anycircumstances answer yourself.
So, beware of women who advance toward you orworse yet, ask you for a date. Remember, dating is likeplaying a game ofOld Maid.No matter what greatmatches you make during the dating process, there is ahigh probability that in 20 years you will have agrumpy old woman on your hands. If you really wantto know how your potential dating partner will farewith time, be sure to get in touch with her biologicalheritage and meet her mother; better yet, meet hergrandmother or her great-grandmother. Count the rings—family trees don’t lie! Especially be weary ofRBwomen; indeed, they don’t give a damn! They don’tknow how you feel. Nobody knows how a man reallyfeels—except about beer and sports. Feelings, whoa,whoa, whoa, feelings
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