Moments of clarity.
I’ve experienced a few of those since I began this journey a little less than two months ago. The most recent moment came last week, the morning after my latest bout with the dark.
I did manage to get a few hours’ sleep before starting the new day, and although I was physically beat, I realized it was my emotional state that had totally wiped me out. Through every waking moment of that morning, that feeling of malaise followed me around. Something still wasn’t quite right. Only after a few hours did I realize the crash was coming.
While in the grocery store, it happened. I became completely overwhelmed by the dark once more. Obviously, this was a continuation of what I’d experienced less than eight hours previously but this time, it was much more intense.
I held it at bay long enough to finish up my shopping and high-tail it home. Once there, in solitude, I broke down. Little did I know that this would be the final battle with the current manifestation of the dark that had burrowed inside me and had caused me such inner turmoil.
That’s what I had been used to doing – running as fast as I could in my attempt to slow down time. The pace had been quickened in recent months and I honestly didn’t know why.
It all became clear while sitting on my deck in solitude, as frozen perishables in shopping bags began thawing on my kitchen countertop.
In January of this year, a little less than ten months ago, in a tragic turn of events, I lost my significant other of two and a half years. No doubt, I’d yet to put this to rest.
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