Read an Excerpt
CHAPTER 1
Can We Enjoy Life More Fully?
Our beliefs convince us that we are doing okay and have things under control. We all may be doing fine, but we have an opportunity to do better.
We Think We Are Fine
Why should I care so passionately about letting go of my reactions and my need to control? I'm fine. Really. I have an amazing and beautiful family. I have a great home in a wonderful community and a good job with lots of benefits. I am healthy, happy, and content. I don't generally worry about the future or dwell on my past. There is some stress in my life, but it's nothing I can't manage. I am busy living a very good life.
So how do I know that I have work to do?
When I listen to the repeated chatter in my mind, I can hear it. "Hurry up, and get it done. Do a little more. Don't waste time watching TV. Don't let your team down."
When I sit quietly, I can sense it. Tight shoulders. A pit in my stomach. A clenched jaw. A stiffness in my chest.
When I go through my routines at home, I can feel it. Stress because I have too many things to do and not enough time. My mind racing. Tension in my voice. I am distracted and always in a rush.
When I press through my workday, I notice my reactions. The feeling of pressure to meet a deadline. The frustration when people aren't doing what they should be doing. An irrational angst about picking up the phone.
Most importantly, when I interact with my family, I know I still have work to do. The floor isn't swept the right way. The dishes aren't washed fast enough. The television is kept on during the day. I react.
I know I am not alone. Among family, friends, and coworkers, I notice similar themes, even if no one wants to admit it.
There is, for example, that group of stressed-out moms, the group who could easily be called the perfect moms. They have great families, the best parties, the nicest houses, and the most friends. Their efforts to maintain perfect homes and families require a lot of energy. They feel pressure to do it all — and very well. Their children have to be in a multitude of activities to make them well rounded and introduce them to the right group of friends. The house has to be clean, the meals healthy, and the laundry always done. These moms feel that they need to create fun family memories for their children to cherish, which normally involve special trips and parties. If you ask members of this group how they are doing, they say they are okay. Underneath, you can sense they are tired and stressed, but they know they have it all, so they say they are fine. Really.
There is another group of individuals who I sense are struggling to hang on. But still, when asked, they are quick to respond, "I'm fine. Really." They are reluctant to admit that life isn't manifesting as planned. Maybe they've experienced a traumatic event or a series of things have gone awry. Maybe they are not doing the work they dreamed of. Maybe their family situations aren't what they wanted. People in this group often have everything worked out in their minds, but other people get in the way, and events happen that they cannot control. They could use some help, support, and understanding, but everyone is busy, including them.
I notice children may appear to be fine, but they also react. A scolding parent, a scary movie, and a bully in the playground all elicit visible stress reactions in children. They may want others to believe they are okay. They may act tough, but if you watch, you can tell by their voice, their posture, and their actions that they could use some help.
For me, the most interesting group is made of individuals who adamantly believe they are doing just fine. Really. And by all accounts, they are doing great. They express interest in stress management — for their spouses, friends, or coworkers, of course. They watch the news, and everyone else is clearly messed up, but they are fine. They do not feel stressed. Their lives are comfortable, yet they have strong opinions on how the world should be and how people should behave. Things are black and white, right or wrong. Many in this group are in positions of control. They head up households, corporations, and organizations. They are in enviable positions to exert control over their environments and change things that make them uncomfortable. In their views, if others are feeling stressed, then it is others who need to change. Often, these are the individuals causing others to stress.
I guess we are all fine.
Really?
Don't be fooled. We can all do better. We convince ourselves that we are fine. We hold strong beliefs about the way life should be, and we work hard to maintain those beliefs, even when they cause stress to ourselves and others. Where do those beliefs come from? How can we uncover them and better manage our stress?
Our Beliefs Can Deceive Us
Life is full of experiences and events that form our beliefs. Our beliefs are powerful and operate in our subconscious thought patterns. We may believe we think rationally. In order to pay my bills, I need to keep my job even though I hate it. But think again; maybe you could buy less and have fewer bills. Maybe a better job is available. Your belief may be fueled by a personal experience, such as a parent who stayed in a job only to support the family. Beliefs drive our behaviors, and beliefs don't heed rational thought.
We form our beliefs beginning at a very young age. Of course, as infants and youths, we are not always in control of our lives. Highly emotional events that occur at a time when our brains are responsive to outside stimuli create beliefs that form our subconscious thinking and trigger our reactions much later in life. We will not likely be aware of this influence.
It is generally understood that beliefs are formed by a combination of thought and emotion associated with our experiences. During emotional events, good or bad, we release stress hormones to enhance memory. We also know that our beliefs drive the subconscious thinking that allows us to make split-second decisions to save our lives — fight or flight. Beliefs also drive the thinking that causes us to judge individuals before our conscious thoughts can weigh in.
Beliefs are responsible for the habits and routines that make our lives comfortable. Our subconscious thoughts drive our ideas of who we are and who we want to associate with, thus forming our unique personalities and characters. It allows us to make sense of all the chaos in the world within a manageable construct of how life should be. As long as things fit nicely in this box, we're okay.
But beliefs also create stress. We create fantasies about what our lives should be like. When everyday events do not match these fantasies, our bodies react with a stress response. We may not consciously think we are reacting, but our bodies have kicked into defensive mode.
The reality is that we cannot change others, nor can we change all the circumstances of our lives. All we have to do is change our beliefs! Easy enough? Perhaps — until we recognize a couple of things. First, beliefs tell us we are right, so it becomes difficult to rationally understand why we would change something we know to be right. Second, as I will explain throughout this book, beliefs are energetic structures residing in our personal spaces. They are formed by freezing energy as we experience life and when thought and emotion collide. Depending on the intensity of the experience, it can create powerful images or other sensory perceptions that stay with us. When a person or event challenges these beliefs, the reaction is outside of our rational thought process. We often think of it as a gut reaction. Because our experiences are unique to us, we may not fully understand our own reactions, nor do we understand the reactions of others.
We React to Our Environment
Stress and anxiety are associated, and the terms are often used interchangeably. Stress is the body's response to a situation and is classified as acute or chronic. Acute stress allows us to kick into survival mode without stopping to think about what we need to do. Chronic stress, often related to everyday life pressures, causes stress hormones (epinephrine and cortisol) to be released over a longer period of time. This can lead to serious health problems for us and — like secondhand smoke — for those around us (see Mate's When the Body Says No: The Hidden Cost of Stress).
Stress has been defined as a nonspecific response of the body to any demand for change. Nonspecific. Demand for change. Think about this definition. When an external event occurs that does not match your belief structure, it demands your body to change. Your body reacts with a stress response. You might take a deep breath and tell yourself to remain calm and that all will be well. But your body still reacts with a stress response. Sometimes, the response percolates below the surface. Other times, it might explode, exhibiting less than desirable behavior.
If we accept that our beliefs are generally formed at a very young age and often held outside of our conscious awareness, we can begin to understand that our bodies are constantly reacting to situations that arise in our lives. We think we are in control of our environments, and to make ourselves feel comfortable, we seek out situations that match our belief structures. Yet, we are constantly exposed to stimuli that do not match our beliefs. Our bodies are constantly demanded to change, and they consistently react with stress responses. We may not choose to be stressed. We may not even recognize or acknowledge stress. But we do have a choice in how we respond to stress. This can be explained as follows:
Stress means "excess environmental demands on a person's resources." Everyone has different demands and different resources. We react by:
1. Changing the demands of the environment
2. Changing our resources
3. Changing the way we react to the environment
4. Doing nothing
"Doing nothing" eventually breaks down. Changing the first three items can take a lot of energy. Logosynthesis allows you to change your reactions to the environment. As you react with more patience and wisdom, your resources may grow and you may be able to change that environment and the demands it puts on you. (Lammers, 2015)
We work hard to change the demands of our environment. The demands of my job stress me out; I'll find a new one. The demands of my family stress me out; I'll change our living arrangements. The cost of living stresses me out; I'll find a way to afford what I want. It takes a lot of energy to change it all.
We also work hard to change our resources. To get in physical shape, we sign up for expensive gym memberships. We rush across town during rush hour to attend a special class. We go out of our way to buy expensive food or supplements that have special nutritional properties. We have a long list of things to do to build our resources. In case we forget, the minute we turn on the television, a steady stream of messages reminds us. It is very easy to become so wrapped up in our beliefs about what we need to do in an effort to stay healthy that we unknowingly put excess demands on our body.
We could try to avoid situations. If we know that something stresses us out, we could simply stay away. I know that I am scared of heights, so I don't choose to spend a vacation biking in the mountains. Avoidance isn't always an option, however. Our need for a steady income, for instance, may compel us to work in a demanding environment.
We could make sure our body and mind are strong enough to manage this stress response. Through sufficient exercise, proper diet, and adequate sleep, we become better equipped to handle the stress when it occurs. We can even condition our brains to operate better when the stress response kicks in. Deep breathing is effective in helping us to think and find a pause before we react. We can be armed with lots of techniques to simply manage the stress response when it inevitably occurs.
We can avoid some stressors, and we can manage our reactions, yet the body will continue to react. There will always be a stressor of some kind. This response builds over time and affects us at levels, often beyond our awareness. Is there another way? Could we simply disarm the beliefs that lead to the stress? Maybe, but we first need to realize that our beliefs are unique to each of us and appreciate how deeply our beliefs are held.
Sensory Perceptions Trigger Reactions
Our emotional response to events in our life can be rated on a scale of mild agitation to moderate anxiety to severe trauma. Our biological stress response kicks in, triggering reflexes and releasing hormones, whether we acknowledge the response or not. With the heightened emotional response, sensory perceptions from the event become imprinted. Like beliefs, these emotional imprints are unique to each of us.
Think of a situation that has caused you to overreact. Why did you get so stressed out at the sound of someone's voice or at the sight of dishes in the sink? Why were you so afraid to speak in front of others or stay home alone? Why have you experienced these reactions repeatedly, despite your best attempts to convince yourself there is no need for concern? Whether it is a dry mouth, a pit in your stomach, a quivering voice, or a pounding headache, you know that your physical response is not congruent with the event that just occurred. You can't explain why you feel so strongly, but you can't deny your body's stress response. Friends and family may have difficulty empathizing because they can't see the underlying source of your stress — the imprints that trigger your reactions. They only see the effect: You are stressed. The recurrent nature of your response may lead others to tell you to just get over it and move on.
Because we don't fully understand and can't explain our stress responses, we may withdraw or use coping techniques. However, those won't change what the body experiences. Responses to triggers become engrained. We are born with a unique genetic code for a predetermined set of characteristics, but we are also born into a unique set of life experiences to which we respond. The circumstances that form belief structures and attitudes are not all within our control or within our genes.
I may want to avoid all negative events in my life and increase the intensity of pleasurable events. The reality, however, is that life happens beyond my conscious control. Life's events create my resilience and form my personality and character. Situations in my life cause stress and anxiety, and how I deal with them can impact my health, both short- and long-term. I may attempt to change my behavior through conscious effort and focus on my coping techniques, but my cognitive thought processes are not effective in disarming my emotional responses to these triggers.
Getting in touch with the energy and emotions that have created these deeply held imprints can be uncomfortable. For me, even sitting in silence was often distressing. We are trained to be cognitive individuals, thinking and analyzing our way to the right answer. But for me, this level of conscious thought did not allow access to the energy level necessary to identify and dissolve the triggers to my behavior. If a highly emotional event created the emotional imprint, it stands to reason that I needed to access the same thought and the same emotion in order to release that energy. Other people could not do this for me, nor could I do this for others. I needed to be willing to identify how I experienced stress and the sensory perceptions that triggered the response. I needed to quiet my space without jumping up to do the next thing on my list. I needed to feel safe to explore. And I needed a tool to guide me.
Raising Our Energy Awareness
Energy and spirit can be defined in many ways. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, energy is "a usually positive spiritual force," and spirit is "the force within a person that is believed to give the body life, energy and power."
Across cultures, energy is generally thought to be the source of life and has been given different names: Prana, Chi (Qi), or the Holy Ghost. In Logosynthesis, it is called Essence. Willem Lammers, founder of Logosynthesis, described it as follows:
In Logosynthesis, the goal is to restore the flow of energy to allow for our true Self to be expressed. We acknowledge that we are composed of body, mind and spirit. Our body is our physical matter, which can be compared to hardware. Our mind is our rational thought, which can be compared to software or programming. Our Essence, or spirit, is the energy that flows through the system to create.
Essence is the user of the body and mind and is felt when our systems are in flow, through meditation, sports, art, relationships. Our Self is Essence live, in time and space on earth. Our Self is a flexible, creative and dynamic system that wants to learn. Our Self is the starting point for our personal mission, to create meaning in our lives.
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "Logosynthesis: Enjoying Life More Fully"
by .
Copyright © 2017 Cathy Caswell.
Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
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