I don't advise every battered woman to leave the way I did. Every situation is different. Different situation, but the same pain. I was so angry. I wanted to hurt him like he'd hurt me. I do strongly advise you to leave. That may mean walking away from your home, your children's school , money, friends or even a fabulous lifestyle… unlike your life, those things can be replaced. It won't be an easy transition, but the inner strength that you'll find within yourself after making the brave move is priceless.
That inner strength is the key to unlock who you really are and it will show you what you are made of. If the real you stays suppressed by the hands of your abuser, you will never know who you are. You will continue through life in a delusional state… missing out on the true love that awaits you but will never find you because you'll be preoccupied with a false sense of love.
Love doesn't mentally or physically hurt, manipulate, intimidate or humiliate. Reach out, there are people who do care and will help you. I will be forever grateful for the shelter and movers and all of the other people who helped me save my life.
Make the checklist of the abuse and ask yourself, "Did I deserve this?" Make a plan to leave and never look back. Just think if you weren't in that situation what would you be doing with your life? If you think it'll get better, then you are lying to yourself. If you think you can't do any better, then he is lying to you. You can do a lot better by yourself.
As far as keeping the children with their father, the excerpt "First Perception of a Man" is a perfect example of what domestic abuse can do to a child. Domestic abuse was the beginning of my destructive journey. Don't let it be the beginning of your child's journey. Break the cycle. If you don't love yourself enough to leave, then love your children enough to leave. And if you don't have any children, consider yourself blessed. Run and don't look back.
The abused woman says, " But I love him" The question is, " Why would you love someone that treats you so bad? Why would you give him permission to treat you like garbage? What are you teaching your daughters and sons? At what point in your life did self hate began? When did you stop loving yourself and when will you began?
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