I woke up dreaming about the mountain and pondered leaving all I know for all I don’t.
I thought about how I compared myself to others’ standards and how this always leads to internal ridicule or confusion. Nissi told me once not to do this because “it is unwise.” I’m trying to move that wisdom from my head to my heart. I suppose Nissi is right; my life is about who I am, not who they are. It’s about my destiny, not theirs, and just because we’re family doesn’t mean we’d peck on the same path together forever. I mean, here I sit, and I am still wondering what they’ll think of me if I fly the coop for good.
Why do I care?
If I’m always trying to figure out who I am based on what they think then aren’t I, in fact, living up to what they worked out for themselves?
I got up and paced back and forth in my nest. I walked around the outside edges over and over. Then it dawned on me: Learning to walk a tightrope isn’t about the height—it’s about the balance! Climbing that mountain isn’t about knowing what’s ahead of me but what’s presently in front; and I will never discover how high I can go until I have the courage to leave the ground!
Well, that settles it. I don’t care if I they say I’m irrational, if I hear “Who does she think she is?” or if Pa asks me if I’m dumb for wanting to venture out. I must go!
I asked Madison if he’d give a call to everyone. I had something I wanted to announce. I was so eager, and yet as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. I was going to begin climbing the mountain.
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