That night the pain was deeper than my heart could bear. But I didn’t call anyone. I decided to drown my sorrows.
When I got home, I had a strong urge to listen to my favorite song by Mariah Carey, “I Don’t Wanna Cry.” The melody of Mariah’s high-octave vocals embraced my pain and sorrow perfectly somehow. I drowned my emotions in a bottle of booze — E & J Cognac, straight. I got lost in the emptiness inside myself. I almost lost her. I kept drinking anyway. Could I have sunk any lower? But the booze didn’t lessen the pain. It had truly been one of the worst moments in my life. I loved her so, but felt her drifting. There was this huge void. It felt as though I wanted to give up, just keel over and die before she was gone. It had become so darn hard to live my life. We parents are supposed to go before our children! The sadness and loneliness felt unbeatable.
“Why won’t you take away my pain? Take away this pain! Would you?!” I screamed to my God.
Emotionally drained and taxed, I became completely burned out. The booze didn’t help it any. On top of those emotions, there was a burning pain in my chest that refused to leave. As I sipped the last of the liquid from my glass, I threw my head back, forced open my eyes, and, looking up at the ceiling, I asked my God, “Shall I ever find contentment and peace inside?” But I felt no escape.
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