Reg used to say we didn’t fit in the world. Our values differed from most people’s. We lived a vegan lifestyle, we rarely drank, we looked out for the environment, and we rarely bought material things (except electronics). We didn’t “fit.” But the thing is, we fit together. Now, I don’t fit. I don’t fit in the world or with anyone. I feel like an outsider. Because my beliefs and values have always been different from most people’s, I had already felt that way. But now, I especially feel adrift. I feel like I don’t fit anywhere. Reg and I were like puzzle pieces that fit together, and now I’m just a puzzle piece alone.
I was raised by a mom who was extremely positive and always believed you could get what you want if you tried hard and believed you could. In high school, my teachers taught me to work hard and that life was for the taking. No one—not my mom and not my teachers—taught me life could knock you down. I felt angry with my teachers and my mom for not teaching me life could be unfair, you could feel heartache, and you could have your whole world turned upside down no matter what you did. You see, a big part of my identity had been as an optimist, as someone who believed she could conquer the world. Then Reg died, and I lost that part of myself.
Click Follow to receive emails when this author adds content on Bublish