However, although this was never an important day in our lives, my first New Year’s without him felt brutal. Like always, I raced in the Resolution Run. At the start line, hundreds of people surrounded me who were excited for the new year. I distinctly remember turning around and seeing a couple wearing huge glasses in the shape of 2014 with red flashing lights on the 2014. I burst into tears and started sobbing. Unlike those around me, I didn’t want to go into 2014. Reg had never lived in that year! How could I move forward into a new year without him? I didn’t want to go forward; I only wanted to go back. People felt excited for a new year, new changes, and maybe a new life. All I wanted was my old life. All I wanted was to go back. Therefore, seeing those glasses absolutely traumatized me and brought overwhelming grief.
After the race, my friend and I got takeout food from Reg’s favorite Chinese restaurant. We went back to her house and played cards. I was so upset, and I remember she said, “Kim, all you’re doing is moving from one day to the next. All you’re doing is moving from Tuesday to Wednesday. It is no different from moving into any other new day.” That helped me tremendously, as I couldn’t get over the idea of moving into a new year without Reg.
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