I didn’t grow up the way I should have,
Technology has controlled every aspect of me.
Television taught me so much because mom wasn’t around,
Videogames drained my brain cells and have made me lazy.
I was once athletic and loved sports,
But depression took over and I no longer put effort into it.
My mom had me when she was young with an older man,
A teenage mom with a father in his 20s drug dealing.
I didn’t have much of role models to be honest,
But that’s another story for another time.
I don’t care to go outside most days and chill with friends,
Growing up into a man so early wasn’t part of my plans.
Somehow we are still in this apartment, I used to wonder how.
My mom has aged a lot because of the drug addiction she’s had,
Hoping and praying she makes it through a lot of nights.
I surely don’t want to wake up and she overdosed,
By the graces of hope and faith, she’ll eventually get it together.
I had toys as a kid, I didn’t play with them,
I cared about what was on my television instead of my toys.
Too busy watching music videos and watching movies I shouldn’t have seen,
Walking out of my door into a cold world, making adult decisions at age 7.
My childhood went goodbye when my dad left, my mom became depressed,
It was me and my little brother fighting to survive from day to day.
Some days I can go to my grandmother’s house to eat food,
And get a warm bed to sleep on for the night.
She was really aging herself, in her 80s as she had a lot of kids,
I have a few aunts and uncles who are spread out around the state.
I’d surely do my childhood all over again, too many bad memories,
My innocence was lost when police sirens showed up to my building one night.
The sound of gunshots rang through my hallway staircase,
A drug deal gone wrong, my homie died over money owed to someone.
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