“Hold on! Damn,” I scream in response to the persistent ding donging of the bell.
Its 5:30 a.m. and someone is leaning my welcome alarm. The doorbell that I loved for that nostalgic feeling every time I heard is now making me want to cry. They couldn’t wait thirty more minutes for me to get up and start my routine. I yank open the door just as the person starts again. There standing in his blue STL firemen t-shirt, cargo pants and black boots, Dwayne. Equipped with groceries, a starbucks cup and a beautiful smile he steps around me inviting himself in. I want so bad to be mad at him but that smile halts me giving me butterflies.
“That cup better be for me and I hope there’s a good excuse of why you are here so early leaning on my bell.” He hands me the cup from Starbuck’s. I usually eat on the go but I always need the caffeine. This is quite different from the usual in a rush Dwayne I know. The in and out Dwayne never came over in the morning, never stayed through the night, never wanted to lounge to long.
“I thought you always got up this early. I came to make you breakfast before work.” He states walking past me toward my kitchen.
“No I get up at six and you know you ruining my morning workout.”
“That’s okay I’ll work you out,” he says with a wink over his shoulder, making me blush.
“Let’s see how this breakfast turns out first.”
“Don’t play, standing over there acting like you don’t know,” he boasts sitting the bags on the counter before going to the cabinets. “It’s just us. You can admit that both my sex and cooking leave you wishing that it would never end.” Arrogant ass. But he is right. I have licked my fingers in front of this man after eating his roast. He has yet to prepare a meal I didn’t like. If I'm going to be honest he is a much better cook than I am but I will never tell him that. And well yes I always tried to milk him dry before he left.
I take a seat at my island across from where he is setting up, “Sooo what are we having? A girl has a long day ahead of her.”
He lets out a deep chuckle, “Pancakes, hash browns, eggs and bacon.”
“Umm that sounds good, but how are you here so early? What time you leave the fire house? I thought you guys usually left at seven,” I ask sipping my caffeine.
“Yeah it was a pretty slow night. Not complaining,” he says holding his hands up, “it’s better than having even one missed place family. Then the next shift captain came in early after dropping off his twin daughters to the airport for their senior class trip.”
Dwayne loved his job. Anytime he talks about it good or bad you see the sincere emotions in his eyes. At twenty eight Dwayne was the youngest firehouse captain in the St. Louis area. He had just received his promotion the night we met. That night he was with some of the other firemen celebrating, he told me I was the perfect ending to an outstanding day. Again he had a way of just saying or doing the considerate things.
I knew then as I know now with this breakfast that he iss just being cordial and would continue to be to keep me close enough but far enough. That he will never love anyone like his wife. Keeping my feelings in check with these men has always been a must. I know anything they did for me is always in the end for their own selfish reasons. Like this breakfast I believe was just a way to get the cat early morning. Then dosing off relaxed in his bed at home with his wife at work and kid in school.
Terrance gave me the reassurance I needed in keeping my feelings in check when he became a possessive crazed lunatic. A month before I broke things off his behavior changed. He started telling me he loved me, began paying some of my bills, spending the night and even spending all day on some Sunday’s home with me. Me, wanting to be in love and thinking I could find it anywhere even with someone else’s husband made me very happy and accepting of the new Terrance. I just knew ‘this was my time’. I never even thought why he wouldn’t cheat on you too. What is happening with his relationship with his wife was never a thought. Just that he was leaving her to be with me. Then he asked for a key saying, ‘I'm here so much. I really don’t think it’s fair that I have to wait for you to get in before I can come over.’ So at that point I was absolutely sure that he was leaving her. I knew he was genuinely feeling something for me. And he was, crazy, I have never seen crazy listed as a true emotion more of a mental state. But I swear it was the only feeling he ever displayed. Controlling, lying and living on a completely different planet than I. This man wanted me to be his side chick and deal with him and only him. I was to be kept. Um hello dude I can keep myself. What I can’t do is make babies alone. So that was the beginning of our end.
I won’t say Terrance isn’t the first who showed me but since him I have done very well at ignoring any kindness from men. I ignore their kind words and gestures. Even with Dwayne here making me breakfast and causing me to feel butterflies, I know better. But it doesn’t stop the warmth flowing through my girl wanting him. I walk over and give him a welcome and thank you kiss, “How can I help?”
There it goes, the licking of the fingers. This man did not just make hash browns he made those from scratch skillet potatoes with onions. Sitting next to me, I can see him out the corner of my eye smirking as I lick my fingers.
“Shut up. Don’t say anything,” I say smiling and turning on my barstool, “I'm ready for my work out.”
He happily lifts me off my stool, carries me down the hall, up the stairs and into my bedroom, kissing me passionately all the way. Sitting me on the bed Dwayne opens my shirt to find me completely naked. Pleasing he runs his hands over my skin, touching all of me lightly.
On his knees in front of me his warm hand caresses my right breast before putting it completely into his warm mouth while easing my shirt onto the bed.
“Lay back,” he commands before trailing sweet kisses down my stomach. Coming back up, he stops at my left breast and gives her some attention. My legs spread automatically, welcoming him.
“Yeah let me in,” he chuckles.
“Well take off your clothes and come in.”
“Not yet,” He answers before reaching down and rubbing my clit. My hips move in rhythm with his finger strokes, both of our breathing escalating along with the temperature in my bedroom. He slides two fingers into me adding the stroke of his thumb on my clit intensifying his tongue on my nipple. Oohh the grinding, licking and rubbing increase and a moan comes out of me. Then he stops much too suddenly, leaving me still squirming.
Now he wants to take off his clothes. Sitting up I decide to help us along by unbuckling his pants to be able to better pull out his man. Admiring him I give him a few squeezes combined with a few strokes before I put him into my watering mouth. Dwayne lets out a gasps above me, encouraging me; I look up to see him smiling.
“Damn girl,” he breaths as I work my tongue around the head before pulling him further into my mouth. My hands are working the base and his balls. He holds my head and at first this annoys me, but it turns me on more when he finds his rhythm. Then he lets go as I follow that rhythm. In and out. In and out. When he tenses up I pull back, it’s way too early for that. Sliding to the middle of the bed with my legs open I smile up at him. Quickly he is on me kissing my neck. Grabbing both my breast and squeezing before moving his lips go to them. Arching into I try to push them all into his mouth.
This is turning into a wonderful morning a delicious breakfast I think as my legs are pushed toward my head. Dwayne dives in tongue first now here I am the next delicacy on the menu. Damn. Keeping my legs back he goes in and out with his tongue then strokes up and down my clit before going back in. Pushing my head into the pillow I try to rock into his face but he has me in place. I start to shake as he continues to put his face into me like he is trying to become one with her.
“Mmmmmm” I moan leaking all over him. Then he is gone. The shakes aren’t. This time I open my eyes to see him on his knees pulling a condom from his pants, his dick so long, so chocolate and curved to my right. Staring at me, taunting me. Before he could get the packet open I am up with him back in my mouth. He is my only oral sex partner and I love sucking dick. When he finds my rhythm I quit to tease and to allow him to wrap up. I turn around and get on my knees for him to take me doggy style.
“Damn, don’t we know what we want this morning.”
“Yes we do,” I answer watching him as he enters me with force causing me to hold on to the sheets for the ride. Bouncing back into him I feel that feeling building up again. Dwayne squeezes my ass and rides. We fill my room with my moans, his grunts, our sex.
Leaning in closer, he reaches around and rubs my clit with pressure, a deep penetrating pressure that takes my head on a stroll around my neck, a great pressure as I continue to grind into his dick and fingers. Yeah I cant be so mad at his early morning visit, early morning doorbell ringing.
Back in a straight up position Dwayne pounds hard into me. Goes at a rythym that lets me know his nut is close. Just as he proved me right about his delicious meals and my finger licking I was also about to prove right my skill at milking him. Leaning my chest further into the bed I bounce back into him. Pulling hard on his dick with my pussy muscles before bouncing back hard again, before long we are both ready to spill. My grinds slow down as the shakes come over me again and this man has found his second wind. He flips me over enters me missionary and fucks the rest of his semen out. When he is done he leans down, while still inside me, and kisses me with a steady grind. Gosh I want to do it all over again, but differently. His grinds or kisses don’t stop until his little engine has completely puffed out and shrunk down. As he rolls off me I see that it is just seven.
“Come on,” I say pulling him up with me.
“Where we going,” he asks with no resistance walking behind me.
“To shower. I have to get ready for work. And my workouts usually last longer than thirty minutes.”
I arrived at work on time after my morning tryst with Dwayne. The sex was even more invigorating than my normal morning workout, I think blushing to myself in my office as I prepare to meet Gayla for lunch. We haven’t talked since the boat ride; our work schedules keep us both busy especially when the week is just starting. Catching up on her love interest will be interesting. With us both working in downtown St. Louis it wasn’t hard to get lunch together at least once a week. Never on Mondays which are extremely busy for me, rarely on Fridays because Gayla is usually busy but the others day are a little more manageable.
Oh please don’t make me miss my lunch, “Come in.”
Ms. Connie, one of the administrative assistants to the partners, enters with a bouquet of red roses. She’s grinning and I'm shocked. My mind goes straight to Dwayne. I haven’t heard from Christopher or Jerome. But with all that said Christopher doesn’t know where I work and Jerome knows how I feel about this. Ms. Connie is still standing there grinning like she is waiting on a tip.
“So who are they from?”
“I don’t know Ms. Connie I haven’t looked at the card.”
“You want me to look,” she asks stepping towards them.
“No, thank you,” I blurt out and just look at her. Again she waits excitement evident in her smile like they were sent to her. It’s bad enough she or someone else is certain to mention to daddy that I received red roses I don’t need her knowing who from. When she realizes she won’t find out she turns to leave with a noticeable look of disappointment. I'm sorry but I don’t want to have explain the flowers from a man who things are going nowhere with my parents, especially after momma and my conversation this past Sunday.
When Dwayne did the flower thing, as a much needed apology, I accepted but later explained to him where and who I actually worked. His flowers were beautiful but I didn’t need the confusion at work. The bulk of my emotions goes toward how my father would feel knowing they came from someone else’s husband. There was also some shame if my co-workers found out about my indiscretions’ outside work. I'm the boss’s daughter for one; secondly I got to be head paralegal by filling in the gaps of mistakes that others made being the first to point out others mistake, mistakes that could cost the firm or the clients if not both. Don’t get me wrong I own up to my affairs. Just not with my parents because I do know it’s not how I was raised. And really it’s not how I want to be. Then not with my co-workers because you should never mix business with pleasure, I didn’t need them in my pleasure business. Hence the no flowers to my job.
With all that being said I pull out the card with nothing but anticipation and eagerness. There not supposed to be here but what girl doesn’t like flowers. My body floods with anxiety as I read the card:
You looked lovely on the boat.
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.
What the hell? Not this, anything anyone but this. Any feelings I had for him evaporatedly instantly months ago. Knowing that he knew how I felt about work deliveries and him bothers me. Why would he send these? And more importantly why would he send them here. Was he going to start up again? I don’t have time to think about this. Gayla is more than likely waiting, who I never even told I saw Terrance. Well at least he didn’t show up here or on my door step this evening. Dropping the card in the trash, leaving the flowers no point in trashing beautiful flowers, I head out.
Closing my door I see Ms. Connie all smiles. Shit. She is about as bad as my parents with trying to get me married off. She has been with daddy’s firm since they started so I grew up with Ms. Connie as my Aunt who came around for holidays and other special occasions. Sometimes she would babysit me, which was great. She and her husband never had kids so when she had me we did the funniest things. Ms. Connie would have been a great mom sometimes I feel sorrowful that it didn’t happen for her.
“Sooo who are the flowers from,” she sings.
Glad the card was sealed, “A client I helped one of the partners with a few months back. You know how grateful some of the clients are,” I say dismissively, which is partially true some of them find it easy to loosen up with the right talker. “Oh,” she sounds quite disappointed, so before she can say anything I am on the elevator on my way down. I don’t want another conversation like with mom earlier this week.
I walk to our lunch date at Caleco’s on Broadway and Chestnut across from Kiener Plaza. The Plaza is home of our city’s Christmas tree and its where the occupy protestors set up tents and camped out.
Walking into the restaurant I take in the green and maroon décor a little nauseating at first but the beautiful wood all around warms you. The long rectangle shaped bar, chairs, stools and most tables all the same wood. I say most tables because some tables are covered with either green or maroon faux leather. Caleco’s is a bar and grill with televisions all around to serve the St. Louis Cardinals and Rams fans. And no matter if they are winning or losing sports fans are out watching and cheering or booing them on. The bar stayed open till three seven days a week so it was also good for after club eats. But at this time of day it was quite and you could get a nice lunch, have a quite talk or watch the latest news story. Walking further in I see Gayla sitting at a table by one of the two aquariums with her face in her blackberry. My girl loves her blackberry, she has an iPhone also but she wont let go of the blackberry. She claims that they are a lot more durable.
“What’s up girl!” not too loud to completely disturb the other patrons.
Without looking up, “Hey girl.”
“Okay that’s welcoming. What’s up?”
“Nothing,” she looks up and I can see some excitement in her eyes, “trying to expand into some catering birthdays, weddings, bachelor and or bachelorette parties, kind of whatever I can bake a cake for. I think my store could be making more money. I had a regular customer come in yesterday and ask me to do her wedding cake and desserts for both their bachelor parties.”
“That sounds good Gayla. I always thought you would do good wedding planning.”
“Yeah me too but this lady is being such a bitch.” And she hurriedly covers her mouth looking shocked that she said that. “That was wrong. She comes in the shop a lot, which is the reason I agreed to the three month due date.” I can’t help but laugh.
“Don’t be shamed it’s just us. Three months, what does she need?”
“Yes. Five layer wedding cake and three different desserts for each bachelor and bachelorette party for twenty five people each. But even though I know it’s going to be a pain the next three months I am thrilled. I have also started advertising for it in the café.”
“You will be fine and no one deals with pressure the way you do.”
“I'm not as much worried as I may have anxiety from failing at my first try.”
“Girl please. If I’m not mistaken didn’t we have the same conversation when you opened Sweet Cakes?” Before she answers a waitress appears with two strawberry daiquiris with whipped cream, two glasses of water, potato skins and hot wings. We always ordered two appetizers and share but the liquor at noon was a twist.
“I went ahead and ordered for us since I knew you would be late. I ordered us both lasagnas.”
“So I thought you said the job wasn’t worrying you.”
“It’s not,” she states biting into a wing.
“Well, why the liquor?”
“It’s a daiquiri, Mya,” she says laughing, “Now who’s being uptight.”
“Whatever, now that you not talking about work you sound a little happier.” I want to tell her about the flowers.
“So why were you late?”
And so I did along with what the card read. Who they were from and what I didn’t tell her that night on the boat. Somewhere mid story she stopped eating and sat looking at me more shocked than I was on the boat or in my office. She leans back in her seat, “And you didn’t say anything?”
“He was with his wife. You seemed to be having a good time with the African. Hey have you heard from him?”
“Don’t do that we talking about you now,” she points.
“Everyone in their group seemed to be happy there was no reason to believe I would hear from him again. We were having a good time I didn’t want to ruin it. I could tell he was just as surprised to see me. I was hoping that he wouldn’t start again. That being with his wife was a good sign.” I say shrugging it off.
“He hasn’t called or shown up anywhere? Just the flowers? That’s still pretty creepy like he’s going to be coming around again.”
“Maybe or maybe he just wanted me to know. I mean you didn’t see him. He and his wife were laughing and talking with another couple. Seeing them together comforts me because I was always under the impression that he took her nowhere.”
“You said his facial expression changed. If he was okay he would have kept smiling and not sent flowers. Just be careful and observant.”
“I will,” and I will nobody knows better than me how Terrance can be. Again he never put his hands on me but the whole I can’t let go and no one else can have you routine gets old and creepy. “Now tell me.”
“What do you mean?” smirking she digs into her lasagna, that I hadn’t even noticed arrived.
“Your liquor in the afternoon and all the smiles.”
“Again with the liquor, you act like I ordered you a martini, geesh.”
“Yeah right. Tell me something better than that.”
“Alright, the daiquiris are to calm my nerves. I have had a really nice date week and I don’t want work to ruin that feeling. I didn’t really want to talk about Tyrone, wanted to give it time before I started to talk about it.”
“You heard from the African?” I ask with a smile and knowing nod, because for some reason I don’t care for Tyrone. “And just how long where you going to wait before telling me about your date. I tell you about all of mines.”
“Yeah but you don’t care if yours work out considering the situations.”
“That’s true. But I still feel hurt or betrayed in some way.”
“Girl please. Oh and no I haven’t heard from him. Can we stop calling him the African?”
“Sorry but you know I'm not comfortable with using actual names till they have been around at least three months. Be learning all these people names and they can’t stay around.”
Shaking her head with a laugh, “Girl you are too much. But I did hear from Tyrone and we had dinner twice this week.”
“Oh really.” I can admit that I may be wrong about him, but he on the three month rule too. At least with me he is. I will see if he is everything she hopes he is.
“Yes, he called me Monday after he took his daughter to his parents’ house. They wanted her to spend the night and since he had the free time we went to Kobe’s.”
“Oohh I love that place.” But wasn’t he supposed to have his daughter for four days. And why would her grandparents want her on a school night. Gayla just doesn’t see things the way I do. My girl lives were there are fairytales and happy endings. She doesn’t believe in bumps on the road to that happy ending. “So you have been out with him twice, what do you think of him?”
“So far so good. I love that he is active in his child’s life. He has an upstanding job because you know how easy it is to meet a drug dealer in our city. His parents have been together for more than forty years and he is looking for something like that.”
“That’s great Gayla. But you guys have barely know each other a week don’t you think it’s a little soon for all that talk.”
“No. I think its perfect timing. I don’t want to waste a lot of time if he isn’t what I need, besides talking to him just seems natural. The conversation just flowed and with me doing wedding cake it came up. Also with us talking about his daughter and taking her to his parents.” She sounds like Charlotte from Sex and the City. And like Charlotte I hope my girl gets her happy ending, she deserves it.
“You wouldn’t consider it wasting time if you dated more than one man at a time. Your single no point of talking to one person at a time. And that doesn’t mean you have to be a hoe and sexing them all.” When she gives me that look I throw in for better understanding, “Don’t you think you could cover more ground by dating in multiples? That would save a lot of time.”
“Your life scares me. I don’t want to do that.”
Okay I really don’t know how to feel about that comment, “I’m not saying live your life like mine. It wouldn’t look good on you…”
Gayla cuts in, “It doesn’t look good on you. I mean really Mya when are you gonna grow up and start looking for a mate,” She waives the waitress over for to go containers.
“You sound like my mother. Why does everyone just assume I don’t want a husband?”
Exasperated she declares, “Because you show no signs of wanting one.”
“I can’t help who I meet.”
“You could help who you sleep with.”
Her tone makes me want to cry, not this again, not another Sunday. It seems as much as I try to avoid these conversations they just keep finding me.
“Where is this coming from?”
“I just want to do this my way please. I know you think it’s silly and my point is I think what you do is silly. But I don’t down you for it or talk to you in a condescending tone about it. I speak my piece and let it go. I like this man and your right I just met him so maybe it’s too soon for you to judge him.”
She is right. I just worry about her. She is the closest thing I have to a sister and I want to see her do well. But I should learn to respect the fact that she wants to do things her way as I do mine. I wouldn’t stop watching and looking out for her but I would definitely stop being so verbal, “Sorry, you know I love you girl.”
“I know and I love you. I want you to watch out for Terrance because I am having a hard time believing that the flowers are his last peep. And you really should try harder for someone who actually respects you.”
I don’t want to talk about it anymore. It’s taking me back to Sunday with my mom. After we both gather what we didn’t eat we hug it out and tell each we will talk later. Returning to work, opening my office door and seeing those red roses I feel different that before. Before I thought the flowers shouldn’t be punished but now it’s like Terrance himself is actually here hunting me. I pick them up off my desk and take them to Ms. Connie’s desk which is centrally located for anyone to see. I explained it by saying that since a client sent them everyone should be able to enjoy the beauty of the roses.
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