After I finish with my only client for the
afternoon my phone rings. Smiling I see that it is
Sean, my live-in boyfriend who I am trying to
convince give me an upgrade to fiancé.
“Hey bae.”
“Hey. What do you have planned for the rest
of your afternoon?”
“I was on my way to the mall. I will meet the
girls later for drinks, but that isn’t until after your
plane leaves.”
Sean doesn’t speak. He is not too fond of my
friends. Thinks they are always feeding me things,
unhealthy things that they are putting into my head.
He doesn’t seem to think that I could have these
feelings on my own, the fact that his actions could
contribute to these thoughts.
“Are you there? You do still have business in
Nevada this weekend?”
“Yeah,” he stammers, “which is why I'm
calling.” He seems to perk up. “I want you to come
home so we can spend the hours together before I
leave.”
I smile. Our relationship has been pretty rocky
so I am thankful for his efforts.
23
Bambi St. James
“I'm on my way.”
“And I have something I want to run by you
and I hope you like the idea.”
“Now I'm really intrigued. I will be there
shortly.”
We hang up and I think of my friends. They
absolutely hate Sean. Especially Jas, but she does an
okay job of hiding it. She has stopped voicing it so
much, but I think he still knows. Jas is the type of
person that if she does not like you, you will know.
Either she says it or you see it in her face. If I could
still see it in her face, I'm sure he could. They do have
great reasons however; I am just not in a hurry to
leave him. Once we are married he will be much
better at making me happy. Become a better man for
the both of us and I think he has finally gotten on that
path.
As I said our relationship has been rocky. He
has cheated on me with various females, but always
comes home. From the very beginning he has been a
great provider, protector and lover. A couple of
years ago there was a baby born, but he apologized
profusely and promised to never see the mother
again. Said he couldn’t believe it was happening and
that she must have put holes in the condoms they
used. Knowing females I knew that shit was more
than likely true, because he is a good man.
Mental abuse is what Kennedy calls it. What
would they do if they knew about the time he hit me.
24
A Friendly Betrayal
It was only once, a year back. But if I hadn’t been
doing what I was doing then maybe he wouldn’t have
felt the need.
Never had I caught him cheating on me
directly, but there were always texts and unanswered
calls in the middle of the night. Unexplained hours of
him missing, phone off going straight to voicemail
and then the house call hang ups. He would argue
that he couldn’t always answer his calls in business
meetings, that my mind was just wondering and how
I needed to trust him. In the end he was right I didn’t
have any evidence just a gut feeling.
Then I answered his phone one day while he
was in the shower. Something that I knew would
drive him insane. But I was tired of living in his life’s
shadow. Tired of the secrets. I thought I really
wanted to know. Thought knowing would help me
leave him. She rambled on and on with dates and
times of their sexcapades, how one day I would no
longer be in the picture. How she knew exactly how
to keep him faithful because I obviously didn’t have it
in me. You would think that some woman calling
and talking to you like that would send you into a
rage on your man. Not me.
He came out the bathroom, saw me on his
phone and his facial expression changed drastically.
Without words I handed him his phone, with the
bitch still rambling on and on. My body was shaking
with so many emotions, but for some reason none of
them ever presented themselves for him to see. Head
spinning I walked out of our bedroom and out the
25
Bambi St. James
front door. In a trance I pulled out of the driveway
and headed toward an unknown destination.
* * *
Hours later I find myself at the bar in the
Millennium Hotel sipping generously on apple
martinis. I just wanted to clear my head and maybe
make myself a little happy before I accepted the
situation. Like I knew I was going to. Sean and I
have been together for four years. I don’t want to let
him go because most days he is the best. I get flowers
and jewelry when there isn’t an occasion. We have
wonderful sex. He is my best friend and we have
good times together when it’s just us, when we don’t
have the phone. When it is just us, it is great.
Sitting, fingering my non-engagement ring
from Sean I don’t notice the guy that sits beside me
until there is another martini in front of me. Looking
up I notice a not so handsome man watching me.
Strong build, but my height with no heels; I could
never seriously date a man shorter than me. But
worse he had brown skin that had been through a
very bad puberty. But I will say he is very clean, charcoal gray Armani suit, white shirt and purple tie.
The tie has some design on it, but I couldn’t too much
make it out in the lighting; he has a fresh lining and
manicured nails.
But these things are not important. Since
sitting here I have come up with one thing. That is to
have some revenge sex, knowing two wrongs don’t
make a right, but it can make you feel damn good. I
26
A Friendly Betrayal
will erase Sean’s cheating by fucking this man right
here.
In flirt mode I smile and bat my infused
eyelashes at him. Men seem to love that dumb shit. I
wonder if that’s how Sean keeps falling into the
wrong pussy. The guy seems to blush, his purchased
drink turning into a good investment. I give him my
hand.
“Thanks for the drink. I'm Chrissette.”
“Hi, Leon, nice name for a beautiful lady.”
“Thank you,” I smile feeling good flirting with
this man.
“Are you staying in the hotel, Chrissette?”
“Yes.”
“Where are you from?”
“Boston, how about you?,” I lie because this is
not that type of party.
“I'm from Chicago. And yes, I'm staying here
also.”
He tells me he is here on business. After slight
small talk he gives me the absolute truth that he has a
wife and a pair of three year old twins. Sometimes
when he is away from home he has little affairs,
nothing to connect him with anyone but just to keep
his manhood happy in his marriage, and because as a
27
Bambi St. James
man he always wants something different. That
almost sobers me up, reminds me of why I am here.
Makes me more determined to make this connection.
Wonder if he will be able to blow my back out.
Replace this sorrow with pleasure.
Before arrangements could be made I hear
someone call my name with a loud boom,
“Chrissette!” This alarms me because first everyone
calls me Chris and second it’s a strong male voice and
my daddy is dead. Turning just in time I see Sean
rushing past me just before he punches Leon off his
stool bumping me to the floor. Scared to my wits end
of the commotion I crawl away from Sean beating on
the man recently introduced as Leon. Who I am sure
by this time is thinking that this small investment had
gone wrong quickly.
Never could I remember seeing Sean so mad.
Not to say that I have never seen his temper. Of
course I have, have seen him cuss out everyone from
the valet guy to the car dealer he buys his classics
from.
For each punch that Sean lands on Leon I feel
sorry and hurt for him. I want to do something, but
I'm scared. What can I do that he can’t?
I'm sorry, but Sean is not a little man.
Watching the continuous pounding I pray for
someone to help him. It’s taking people too long to
respond. No one is breaking it up. My brain yells for
someone to help but my lips don’t move; I'm stuck
28
A Friendly Betrayal
thinking someone please get him off. I don’t know
how long it is before the bartender and a security guy
pulls him off, but no one could detain him. Right
away I knew that no one was going to stop him from
hurting me. Everyone is getting to Leon. Trying to
help the poor guy who just got the living shit beat out
of him.
Noticing no one is any longer holding Sean I
attempt to crawl backwards trying to get up before he
reaches me, but my body is still stuck in shock. He
reaches out, grabs me by the hair so hard I just know
it’s going to detach at any moment. Walks me outside
and throws me in the car. I'm surprised with the fact
that a woman can be manhandled in public and no
one comes to her rescue. Maybe they think it’s none of
their business, that maybe I deserved what I was
getting sitting at the bar openly flirting with another
man.
Once he got me home he showed me just how
much Leon was actually hurting. The first thing he
did after he got me through the front door was
backhand me. On the floor I grabbed my stinging
face and curled up. My face is wet from both my
tears of fear and the tears that were forced out of me
when I was smacked. Snatching me by my hair again
he called me a whore and backhands the same cheek
creating more tears. I had never been hit like that
before. But I knew not to fight back. What could I do
at 5’4” and him at 6’2”?
Standing over me he breathes heavily without
words.
29
Bambi St. James
“How could you make me do this to you,” he
questions before storming out.
Laying there for what felt like forever I could
feel a lump forming were my face hit the wall. Hurt
and crying I knew something was seriously wrong
with us. He is having a baby with another woman,
yet me having a drink with another man is cause for a
beating. Finally I pull myself up and go up to my
bathroom and run some warm water. I mix Epsom
salt with lavender bath salts to soak my sore body
and broken heart.
The next morning my car was already outside,
but Sean wasn’t home. For three days he didn’t come
home, didn’t call or answer any of my calls. In that
time I had some time to think and I came to the
conclusion that I was wrong. How could I leave this
house and not hear what he had to say. That chick
could have been lying. Then not only that I was about
to ruin our relationship by sleeping with another man
over a lie. I should have stayed and talked to him.
On that third day with my face less puffy the house
phone rings.
“Hello.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Okay. I was about to start breakfast, but
you’re not here,” I say as a statement trying to figure
out where he is.
30
A Friendly Betrayal
“Well, I am on my way now and I am
starving.”
“I’ll get started.”
That day we don’t talk about the abuse. We
just show each other we are both sorry for our actions.
Never asked who the extra person was he used to get
my car here, never even asked any of the questions
about our “new edition.” Monthly we send money,
but he never sees the child. Didn’t want anything to
ruin our recovery is what he said. So each month I
drop a check in the mail and everyone is happy.
* * *
During that time I stayed home from face-to-
face work until my bruises cleared all the way up.
Handled all that business by blackberry or email.
Told the girls ‘I can’t make it’ time and time again.
Since then he has not even raised his voice. I
have never mentioned it to the girls and hope that I
never will have a need.
Stepping into the house I hear soft music
playing. The living room’s lights are dim showing a
path of rose petals. Taking off my jacket I drape it
over the couch before following the petals to the
kitchen. Sean has moved the table to the side and set
up a picnic area. Since the lights in the kitchen do not
dim he has candles around our picnic. I smile at him
and the thought of how long it took him to put this
together, the effort, attention and love that he has put
31
Bambi St. James
in-- there are rose petals on the blanket he has laid out
and containers of food. There are also little bowls
each with a different fruit: strawberry, cantaloupe,
melons, grapes and one with melted chocolate.
“Hey bae, you got here pretty fast,” he says
walking towards me.
“Yeah, my newest client does not live so far.
But let’s not talk about my work day,” I smile at him.
“It looks lovely in here and the food smells
wonderful.”
“Anything for my girl.”
“Baby, I think this is wonderful.”
He pulls me close and kisses me deeply. I
return the kiss and in moments get lost. I love the
way this man makes my body feel. He pulls away
before I am ready.
“We should eat before the food gets cold.”
“So what else did you get?”
“All of your favorites. Cesar salad, shrimp
scampi and crab legs.”
“Are you trying to butter me up for
something? You’re being awfully nice today. Nice
meal in the middle of the afternoon. You never have
time before your trips.”
32
A Friendly Betrayal
Not that I was complaining I knew that he had
to be ready for his meetings and always have his A
game if he is to succeed.
Looking around I hope to see a package.
Maybe that engagement ring I think it’s time for. I see
nothing. Then I notice Sean has not said anything.
“What’s going on baby?”
“Nothing, what do you mean? I just felt the
need to spend some time with you. But if you don’t
want me to I will understand.”
“No, no, no I am not saying that at all. It’s nice
and I am glad you’re doing it.”
Taking my hand he helps me sit before sitting
beside me. I reach for a crab leg before my salad
because they are my absolute favorite. Crack it, dip it
in butter and feed it to him. He takes it, grabs my
wrist and licks the butter that’s starting to drip down
my hand. Heat runs through me and I no longer care
about the great feast in front of me. Then my stomach
growls and I remember that I have not eaten.
“Maybe we should eat first,” I say.
He laughs, “Yeah it sounds like we should.”
“Shut up.”
“But that gives me a chance to tell you what
my idea is.”
33
Bambi St. James
“Idea?”
“Yeah, well I was thinking maybe we could
move and rent out this house since it’s paid off.”
“Why would we do that?”
This makes no sense to me. This is my home I
bought in cash five years ago with money from my
father’s will. Chrissette’s Designing House contacts
and profits are paying to fix it up. This was my baby.
And I am not finished. There still was the fire place I
wanted to put in, the walls I wanted to knock down
to get a bigger kitchen and bathroom and he knew
this. I don’t know what to say. I don’t want an
argument, but what the hell.
“I was thinking how I would like to have my
name on something, too. If anything were to happen
this is your home and I would have to go.”
“Well, maybe we should just talk about getting
married.”
“What does that have to do with anything,” he
asks frowning.
“If we were married you would not have to
just leave.”
He looks shocked that I said this.
“What is the problem? Why do you look so
surprised?”
34
A Friendly Betrayal
“I just don’t understand why everything has to
revolve around marriage.”
“Why not? You want a commitment to a house
but not to me??”
“You know what, we don’t have to argue
about this. That’s not what I wanted; I just also
thought it would be a good idea to sink some money
into some property and flip it.”
“That’s not a bad idea. But you know there are
things I want to do to this property. And that I want
to live with those amenities here for a while before I
even think about selling. Why not buy some other
property you could fix up and sell or rent out?”
I really don’t understand what the big deal is,
he has a great job with great income.
“I know, but it was just a thought. I actually
went today to look at something with my cousin,
Lizzy, just to see. I need to know that whatever
happens with us I will always have a place of my
own.”
This whole conversation irks me. I wasn’t
moving out of my house; he can but I won’t and I will
not put a man’s name on my house without marriage,
especially a man who doesn’t want to marry me and
is looking for the quickest exit out.
All my favorites lay out in front of me and I
have no appetite for any of it. As his phone rings I
35
Bambi St. James
feel my eyes tearing up. He does not say anything,
just gets up and answers.
“Okay I'm gonna head on out. I have to make
a stop on the way to the airport.”
“But we haven’t finished and your plane
doesn’t leave for another five hours.” I don’t want
him leaving angry at me.
“Yeah, I know but the mood isn’t the same.
Maybe you should just think about what I said. It
doesn’t have to be such a big deal. It was just a
thought. ”
“I will. I am sure we can come to some
compromise.”
“I don’t want a compromise. I want a home.”
“You have one. I want a husband.”
He does not say anything; he just turns and
walks off. As I clean up the almost good time, I hear
him upstairs getting his things. I don’t understand
how he thinks this would be something that I would
be happy with doing. I wanted to push the issue.
Keep talking until we come to an agreement. But I
don’t wanna piss him off like that night at the hotel.
He comes in the kitchen as I am closing up containers
and kisses me on the cheek.
“Have fun with the girls. I’ll see you Sunday.”
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A Friendly Betrayal
And he is gone. This was not the afternoon I
thought I was getting. No. I could have gone to the
mall. As I am putting up the food I think of how it
will go to waste. Then I send three texts telling the
girls change in plans. We can eat the food here with
the extra crab legs in my freezer and I can make some
pasta. Then I put three bottles of wine in the freezer
because I knew me and my mood could take out one
on its own.
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Bambi St. James
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