Meanwhile, Manaheem has been doing some heavy thinking: to love or not to love? That is the question. For loving, it seems, must exert on one some pull toward the material realm. This is true even with a woman like Claressa, who is as much a confirmed nonconformist as I am myself. This may be part of the reason that our marriage fell apart previously. Perhaps the fault was with neither of us. Perhaps it was simply the fact that the demands of married life and every-day living brought too much pressure to bear upon the both of us and upon our non-conformity.
On the other hand, perhaps we both could have given a little in certain areas, as the need called for, instead of trying to remain rigid. I do love her, God knows. Just to see her is to love her. It can’t be helped. I thought for a while it could, but now I find myself being pulled once more into the web of love.
But to love means to marry, or at least to live together, and to do so means that one must set one’s goals on the obtaining of more material wealth. I suppose that this is one area in which a compromise must be made with one’s self if one is to remain sane. On the one hand, I desire to be as free as possible from the influence of the world system with its great emphasis on the material. I have been doing business only because it has been necessary for my own personal survival. Now I shall have to start thinking in plural terms. Now it will be for our survival and for our happiness as well.
I do love her. No question about that. But I realize that this love is going to make me more concerned for material things than I have been.
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