If you've been asking yourself questions about why it seems that we just can't get it right in our relationships, and you want more, this is the blueprint to help you navigate during your search. In this book the author uses his life experiences, and those of several men and women of different ethnicities, ages, and cultures to give relationship advice to both sexes. The author has travelled the world and put in over 5 years of research travelling to over 25 countries discussing these topics. The Truth provides answers to today's most pressing issues about relationships, and lays out the roadmap to help you navigate. This book will appeal to readers interested in relationships self-help books.
Songwriter, Music producer & engineer, graphics designer, NOTHING that screams author. Father of 2 boys and a girl, Husband, and now Author. Never intended to become an author it just sort of happened. I've been playing the piano since about 7. Moving into the next phase of my life helping people with their relationships.
In this chapter I've invited people to have a discussion about other issues at the round table. Includes social media, and other miscellaneous things that are important to a relationship...I call this the miscellaneous chapter.
The Truth: Keepin' It 100
Every relationship has problems at some stage. It’s true that anything worth having is worth fighting for, and you will have to fight for your relationship at times simply because of the differences between men and women. There will always be disagreements, but the way they are handled is what’s important. However, there will already be existing issues, so why add things to the equation? When it comes to baggage, which we already discussed in a previous chapter, don’t add extra people either. In other words, don’t include anyone else in your relationship. I know most people have a friend that they tell everything, but I seriously think that you should think long and hard about who you share detailed information with about what’s going on between you and your man. Don’t discuss your relationship with anyone else. We all know that haters exist, and some of those haters are in disguise. Telling them what’s going on may not be the best thing. They usually exaggerate things or cause “drama,” and they aren’t even in the relationship. That only creates confusion and extra stress for everyone involved. Your girlfriend, or your “homeboy” will probably have biased opinions about you anyway because you’re their “girl” or their “boy,” so they probably won’t look at the situation objectively. They may have never experienced a good relationship, so they might be negative about relationships, and will probably give you bad advice. If they’re single your boy might want you to “hang” out with him more, or maybe he has been eyeing your girl for a while. It could be reversed also. What if your girl really does want you to be happy, but she’s single and has been eyeing your guy for a while? If you absolutely need to get things off your chest then talk to an older woman who has some experience under her belt. Maybe an older woman at the church, or a pastor. If you want some good advice, talking to people who have been in long committed relationships is the best place to start. Only you and your guy can fix what needs to be fixed. All the extra people will only add problems in one way or another. You and your guy need to sit down and talk about whatever problems may be hindering your relationship. Confide in no one except for in special situations such as when he’s beating you or abusing you, in which case the authorities and outside sources should be involved. The fact is, you are the only two in the relationship. You two should be able to communicate, which leads me to my next topic of discussion.
Relationships can endure quite a few issues with two strong people, but two things that must be a part of the foundation of any relationship are trust, and communication. I mentioned the different types of women in the prelude. If she’s the kind of woman who can’t talk about things, or she feels that the only way you can understand her is if you feel her pain, she probably isn’t the person to start a committed relationship with until she decides to change her behavior. The same goes for a guy. If he never wants to talk about anything, which we guys tend to do quite often, then maybe he isn’t someone you should start a long committed relationship with. If the only way he thinks that you understand he means business is by hitting you or “checking” you, then he hasn’t grown into the man he needs to be to deal with all the challenges that exist within a relationship. Don’t make excuses for people in relationships. We do it all the time and I’m the first to admit that I usually make excuses for the woman I’m with. I don’t want to accept things that I know we probably need to address. But there’s that mirror-behavior thing. We have to be honest with ourselves. Communication can prevent a lot of things from being blown out of proportion. It also solves problems in an effective, non-violent way. Two people who can sit down and have a conversation can possibly build that foundation for a solid relationship. This is one of the things you can monitor in the beginning when you are getting it all out on the table. If he doesn’t hold a good conversation after the first couple of dates then he probably doesn’t have good communication skills. Usually the first few dates are where you communicate the most because you’re learning everything new about the person. So if his skills aren’t up to par during the early stages, maybe it’s something to think about before moving forward. You also have to be an active listener to have good communication, and of course all of us men know it’s one of the biggest things you women mention about guys. You say we don’t listen. Communication is an essential tool in a relationship. Without it, many of the issues and challenges you will face probably won’t be resolved.
With the introduction of all of these social media platforms, I noticed a change in the way people meet or look for their potential mate. I also observed that we all mostly live our relationships online. Go to any restaurant and observe a few couples sitting there. How many of them are on their phones and not talking to each other? People rarely hold a conversation anymore. Get back to communicating in person. Social media sites such as tagged.com, Blackplanet, Migente, Instagram, and Facebook can be effective in narrowing the field down. For people who don’t have a lot of confidence, or who aren’t good at meeting others this is probably ideal. It removes the awkwardness of a blind date because you can get all the preliminaries out of the way. Lots of women meet guys, and the first date is terrible if the guys aren’t very confident or don’t know how to have a decent conversation. If you talk online before you meet the person, you have already had the chance to view their pictures, get a feel for who they are, the things they like, and so on. Everything that you’d normally talk about on a first date you can already get out of the way. This generally makes people feel more comfortable the first time they meet. Ask the same questions you would ask if you were meeting for the first time. Several successful couples have used these sites, resulting in long lasting relationships. And today it’s a very viable option. If you don’t want to go to a club to try and meet a partner, this could be an excellent alternative. How many times guys have you been in the mall and wanted to talk to a girl, but you didn’t because she was with her girls and you didn’t want to get embarrassed? Meeting someone on a social media site kind of removes that type of feeling. Usually a person’s social sites are connected. A person’s Instagram will have photos of their families, or their kids, and maybe when they aren’t looking their best, so it makes it harder for them to lie to you. Most of the time people put their best photos up on sites, such as Tagged and Blackplanet, but by examining their Instagram or Facebook profiles, you can narrow it down to whether they’re attractive enough for you, or at least close to what you’re looking for. A person’s social media posts can indicate many personal things about them such as the associations they’re involved with. Pay attention to these things. You can effectively sift out the garbage from the quality before you even meet the person, but in any case remember there’s still no guarantee that the relationship will work. I met my significant other online, and we’ve been together for more than five years so far. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with meeting people this way. Since we all live online now, this is one of the preferred methods of meeting people these days. The inherent problems that I mentioned related to social media could possibly break up relationships. I mentioned earlier that people don’t talk so much these days, yet face to face communication is important. A lot of relationships have been ruined or broken up via Facebook, and Instagram. No one has to know if you’re happy, or that you got a new ride, or that he bought you a house, or anything. Posting is okay but there are consequences for anything you post that could bring up questions later on. Stay away from it unless you’re posting inspirational quotes, or your family picnic pictures. Keep details of your relationship off of social media.
One other aspect of this is that if you meet your significant other online they may be leery of you still having your different social media pages, because you met them that way, and they may feel like you’re still meeting other females. But two important things previously mentioned apply. First, you have to trust the person you’re with. And saying that you trust him, but that you don’t trust other females is not trusting him. You’re in a relationship with him not with them. If you can’t trust the person, don’t get into a relationship with them. I know he’s got that good stuff, I know she’s as fine as wine, but trust me, if they don’t trust you, you’ll later feel like you’ve wasted a lot of time when your relationship doesn’t work out as you hoped. Second, ladies I mentioned don’t look at his social media. If you have graduated, then you already know he is yours. A strong woman has no need to check these things because she is playing her role. Do you see how all that I’ve been talking about ties together? Ladies, discuss how you feel with your man before you get into a long relationship. Communicate about social media and see where you both stand with it.
This last point is don’t tell on yourself. Leave some things out. Don’t share everything from your past. I said earlier not to lie, and that’s still the case. But if you truly care about your girl, your woman, your man, your wife, then don’t tell on yourself. Ignorance is bliss. By that I mean that what he or she doesn’t know won’t hurt them. Besides, the past is just that, the past, and some people will hold that against you. No relationship can ever move forward if you’re holding onto things that happened in the past. The past is not always an indication of the future successes or failures. I believe that sometimes ignorance is bliss. People ask for the truth, but very few are truly prepared for the answer they will get.