The minute you let a chaotic schedule get to you, you are no longer running your life–it’s running you. I have come to realize that I am not busy because I’m the victim of a hectic schedule; I am busy because I choose to be. Okay, maybe it wasn’t a conscious choice–at least, not at first. Maybe, in the beginning, I surrounded myself with chores and lists because the work gave me a sense of security. It kept me too busy to ask the questions that tugged at my mind’s sleeve–the eternal questions, like ‘Why are we here?’, ‘What is life all about?’, or the ultimate question of ‘What happens when it’s over?’ Maybe back then I thought I’d find the answers buried in the work, but I didn’t. The only thing that was buried there was me.
Today, I've come to realize that the important questions of life cannot be silenced by busy hands. Even if you shoo the questions away, like pesky sparrows they will return to roost in their familiar places–because they mean to be pondered, and they have to be answered. For the most part, I have found a peace in the chaos that is my life. Mowing my lawn, tilling the garden, working at my job–none of these things brings the answers I am searching for. Yet by doing them–and by being self-disciplined–I have come to know myself a little more. With knowledge, comes peace, and with peace, comes answers. Do I know what life is all about? No, but I have learned to be content with the journey. I believe that I will look up one day and the answers will be there, waiting to be found. Like those familiar sparrows I have shooed away, they'll be resting just over my shoulder. Perhaps they were there all the while, just blending in with the leaves. I had only to believe, and look closer, to see them.
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