The Cottage Cheese Incident
I love the bank tube. You scientific types probably call it a pneumatic tube, but I have a fear of silent p's, so I prefer bank tube. The bank tube is a much under appreciated invention that dates all the way back to some year I probably could have quoted if I had Googled it. However, I can tell you that the London Stock Exchange used one in 1853 to send messages back and forth from the city's primary telegraph station. I can also tell you that Italy was the only country to issue stamps specifically for mail traveling through bank tubes until they scraped the idea in 1966. But the most fascinating, jaw dropping, wet-your-pants bit of trivia I can tell you about bank tubes is they are a dreadful conveyor of cottage cheese.
I stumbled across this revelation today at my bank. I rolled up a little after 2pm and my teller greeted me in a less than festive manner. I inquired about his melancholy and he shared his sadness at not having packed a lunch. Being the outstanding Citizen that I am, I offered him some cottage cheese that I had just purchased. After assuring him that it was fresh, he agreed that it would lift his spirits.
At this point is where the communication became, shall we say, less than effective. He assumed that I would pull around and bring it in. Why he would assume such a thing is beyond my ability to comprehend —as there was clearly a more than capable device in front of me. Before he could offer an objection, I inserted the cottage cheese into the bank tube case and sent it on it's way.
That's of course when the messy part happened. The tube took an extra amount of time to get the case moving. I'm guessing from the weight of the cottage cheese. But when it took off, it went faster than any deposit ever has! It landed faster too. And harder. So hard that the case and the cottage cheese container exploded.
The cottage cheese didn't do anything to improve the teller's melancholy. Nor did it wipe up easily from the window, the counter, and his shirt. I offered to bring back pudding to make up for it. Nobody can be sad when they receive pudding, can they? He insisted that I should not bring back pudding. Or go through the drive through again for that matter.
Carry on, Citizens!
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