Polyna came round to give me a session of Bow Tech and we talked, briefly, about what I’m doing, what’s happening to me. She said a very interesting thing.
‘I think,’ she said, ‘that this is a great opportunity to do what we should all be doing, and live day to day.’ She paused to take a drag of her cigarette. ‘You’re doing it already.’
It was a revelation; another thing I’d missed. But that’s exactly what I’m doing. It’s all set up; I’ve set it up myself, inadvertently, through this journal. I’ve broken up my life into one hundred daily segments, a series of todays, each of them connected to the others but every one of them self-contained. I’ve done away with weeks and months and dates, and there’s no more Monday, or Tuesday or Sunday: there’s only ever today. And that’s where I live. In writing these entries, I occupy each day fully, from beginning to end, because there has to be a beginning and an end to make a story. And that is, ultimately, what these entries are: one hundred separate stories.
So screw the bigger picture that we’re constantly instructed to consider in everything we do. The bigger picture means worrying about January in September. The bigger picture means having to squint to make out the details of today. It makes the little things seem even smaller, and that’s crazy, because its those little things that make our lives distinguishable from all the other lives, and our stories worth telling.
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