Splidge needs a job urgently. He is only twelve, but if he cannot find employment he will be sent to the dreaded workhouse.
The Royal Tournament takes place every six years. It is the national sport of Gud and King Guddamac is depending on it to save his Kingdom from rack and ruin. The Royal Cragflinger has died and the competition cannot take place without another one, so the King has a vacancy.
But someone has a plan to scupper the Tournament and an evil scheme to ‘improve’ the City forever.
Can Splidge find a job? What is cragflinging? Why is a piggy-eyed man trying to kill him? Who is the leather-clad girl with the raven coloured hair? And, what are the small mop-like creatures that people are throwing around?
I am a writer, film maker and podcaster. Until recently, most of my writing has been plays and television scripts, but I also to work as an entertainer. In the past I lay on a bed of nails, ate fire and walked on broken glass. I have performed all over Britain as mime artiste, film maker and podcast.
In the mid 1990s, I wrote and starred in a ITV children’s television programme called Snug and Cozi; the adventures of two crazy spacemen.
The Bald Explorer is a history documentary series I produce and are broadcast on the Community Channel and on Youtube. The filming takes me around England investigating subjects, including the Smugglers in Kent to the Shropshire highwayman, a lost canal and the waters at Tunbridge Wells.
I won an award for my podcast in 2005
For me, part of the fun of writing is building the characters and making them fun. King Guddamac is a hugely overweight man. He came to power rapidly and enjoyed the status that it brought. However, whereas before, as a humble prince he was active and slim, the newly crowned man began to eat to excess. He soon discovered that he couldn't stop eating and the pounds (or kilos) piled on. It came to the point that the simple act of walking was too difficult for him. Not an ideal situation for the ruler of the land.
Splidge the Cragflinger book 1 Free Sample
The simple act of walking caused the King pain and his face crumpled. However, the reward proved blissful when his pink blubbery naked form finally immersed in the warm bathwater. Groggins, his manservant, lathered up the King’s pockmarked husk of skin and, using the long-handled brush, he briskly exfoliated the mountainous flab. As he did so, there was a hideous explosion of soap bubbles as King Guddamac let rip a series of flatulent escapes. The poor cleaner was engulfed in a stifling cloud of rotten eggs. He gagged and fought back the desire to spew up his breakfast over his shameless employer.