Chapter 41 - What I Call That Little But Big Thing Named Trust -- Living and Learning From the Healing Waters of Courage
Learning to Trust is Often the Hardest Lesson Of All to Learn When We Have Been Wounded So Many Times, But With Healing and Time, We Can Find the Spiritual Strength to Trust in a Higher Power to Help Us Make Better Judgment Calls When Necessary.
In my past I was always the most trusting soul anyone has ever known. If someone told me something, I honestly believed in his or her word without questions. I guess it was my childhood innocence and the power of blind trust that made me think everyone and everything can be trusted. However, over the course of my adult life, I eventually realized that there are some people and some situations that can’t be trusted no matter how much I had wanted otherwise. It has taken alot of heartaches and broken promises for me over the years to realize that trust was something I wished I had learned to understand better.
At this point in my life, I have learned that I can always trust God and the instincts He has given me to assess whether or not a situation is the best for me. Any time I did not trust my instincts I surely paid the price. Now I know if someone or some situation is not being presented in an honest light, I get a feeling to question it further and not invest my heart and soul into something that I know will only cause me trouble.
In the following poem, “What I Call That Little But Big Thing Named Trust”, the words are all about what trust is not and all about what it should be. Being honest is something I treasure highly, and in this poem after years of being fooled by the wrong people or misled by a dishonest situation, I learned just how big trust is and never to take it for granted.
What I Call That Little But Thing Named Trust
I was looking around from the top of the sky
To the bottom of the ground
Wondering why I struggled to hear the most sought
After word lost in a world of distressing sounds.
I decided to crawl under the
Biggest shade tree I could find
Hoping to find some release
From my often restless mind.
When I looked within I wanted to know
Why trust was hard for me to embrace.
I was tired of feeling I made a fool of myself again
At the mercy of another disgrace.
Instead of trying to figure it all out
I decided to ask God a thing or two.
I wanted to be able to find a trusted treasure
Of hope in the midst of all my blues.
Frustrated and alone and not sure
If I could trust myself to do the right thing.
God said you are meant to learn from your mistakes
Despite the confusion of a lost dream.
I said God why is it so hard for me to trust
When I know I need to feel safe.
He whispered trust I want to reassure
Your anxious energies with my soothing ways.
I shouted out and asked God why is it every time
I want to trust I find it hard to let down my guard.
He just smiled and said because you have to
Protect yourself from all those false alarms.
Sad and still feeling lost because I felt
I could not reach out like I so wanted,
God said trust me to give you strength
To rise above the negative energies keeping you so haunted.
Unsure if I could take a leap of faith
To open up my heart once again,
God said you have to learn from your pain
To overcome defeat and learn how to win.
I kept shaking my head feeling that all my past hurts
Kept my heart and soul in prison.
God just smiled and whispered trust me
To give you fresh hope and a brighter vision.
Not really knowing how I could get out from under
This tree ready to get the courage to try.
I thanked God for teaching me the importance
Of trust without always asking why.
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