“So why the hell didn’t you blow a Ranger Fart? I mean if there was ever a situation that warranted a Ranger fart that was it”.
“I was asleep, the damned thing just slipped out!”…….
“Well I heard it didn’t just slip out, it was more of an eruption than a Slip”.
Heinrich laughed. I spent an entire month being subjected to abuse of this kind after we got home from that first trip. I was just thankful that Andrea limited her narration of our final night in Hungary to the fart and left the other parts out.
“Ranger Farts” got their name exactly where it sounds like; from the US Army Rangers (RLTW48). Fear and excitement will affect a man’s body in many different ways. One of them is flatulence. I’m sure you have heard of a person having the shit scared out of them. Well it is a distinct possibility and it is common for a person to develop gas when they are subjected to intense fear.
There was an instructor at Ranger Indoctrination Program (Ranger School) who served with Lima Co. 75th Rangers in Viet Nam. SFC Ruben Longoria told of being on a Long Range Reconnaissance Patrol at the end of the Viet Nam conflict. His squad took cover because the Ranger walking point thought he saw something. He was right; the Rangers had crossed paths with a platoon-sized element of Viet Cong.
Being a recon patrol meant they were not equipped or manned sufficiently to engage an enemy element of that size. They took cover with the intent of calling in air support as soon as the squad was clear of the impact area. Charlie walked right up where young Private Longoria was hiding and nearly stepped on him.
Longoria said even after the enemy soldier walked away that he had gas cramps so bad he was sure he would expel it with a rumble giving his position away subsequently getting he and his squad killed. He overcame the situation with shear genius by grabbing one ass cheek and pulling it to the side far enough that when he expelled the excess pressure it gave out a gentle “Pffffffeeeeeeeft!” rather than the customary report.
The “Ranger Fart” was born out of desperation in the heat of combat; it had an honorable lineage and a proud history. It was my privilege to introduce it to my German colleagues.
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