No matter what you tell your child, they learn from you SUBLIMINALLY.
If you smoke pot, no matter how surreptitious you think you are being, no matter how well you hide your stash, your child will know it. They will perceive it as acceptable ADULT behavior because YOU are their “Acceptable Adult”! You are subliminally training your child what is acceptable adult behavior.
If you abuse alcohol, your actions are telling your child that alcohol abuse is acceptable adult behavior.
If you physically abuse your child, you are teaching your child that physical abuse is acceptable adult behavior. It is not uncommon for children who are abused by adults to abuse siblings or schoolmates. They learned it from the parent and they are passing it on. They equate this behavior as acceptable
When your child is reaching out to establish their own adult identity, do not be surprised if they copy your behavior. No matter what you TELL them. This is, in many instances, the way they try to show you THEY are an adult. This is how they define their own "grown up" behavior.
Most important, your child will hear you, even when you don’t think they are listening. The more you whisper, the harder they will listen! They will hear you verbalize what you believe. They will see how you treat others. They will hear your prejudice, or your lack of it. They will hear you telling “white lies” to friends on the phone. When you instruct them to tell a caller you are not home, you are teaching them to lie. You are teaching them it is acceptable adult behavior to tell lies.
Everything you do and say is a teaching moment for your child! Remember they are learning from you subliminally!
Children are most open to learning from 0 to 5 years old. Before many parents realize how aware their children are, they have learned greatly from them. Then their learning curves level off and diminish over their lifetime. This is a child's most formative period.
You are building your child with your values subliminally.
Statues in parks do not make racists, expressed thoughts, actions, and shared beliefs make racists. By the same token, expressed thoughts and beliefs make world-class humans if the right thoughts are verbalized.
You, as your child’s parent and primary mentor, must decide early on what you want to pass on to your child. You must decide what you may want to change about yourself and not pass on to your child.
Remember the old adage: “Little Teapots Have Big Ears!”
If you don’t want your child to inherit some of your actions or prejudices, YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR WHEN AROUND YOUR CHILD.
Your child learns from your actions and words not only to them, but to others as well. They do not learn from what you tell them, to a child that is white noise. Make sure what you tell them is not different from your own actions. At all times remember your child is learning from both parents SUBLIMINALLY!
WHAT SHOULD I DO WHEN MY CHILD LIES?
Every parent knows when their child is telling a lie. Many times the parent will choose to pretend not to know, to avoid an uncomfortable, or lengthy confrontation.
When your child lies, you need to hold them accountable immediately. You need to say without rancor,"I know that is not true, what is really going on? What is the truth?" Keep at it until your child tells you the real story. You will only need to do this a few times before they realize lies are fruitless. The minute you let your child get away with a lie, you have opened a door best left closed.
Teach your children early that you know when they try to lie. Don't endorse their lie by pretending you don't know they are lying. Don't advocate lying by your avoidance of the issue.
Children learn quickly, they will either learn that they can get away with lies, or that they might as well tell the truth.
You need to get your child into the habit of telling the truth very early. If you don't, they will build up a habit of lying, assuming there will be no repercussion. This can impact them badly in adult life.
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