WOW, what a day we had today! I’m not really going into the technical details, basically because I really don’t remember them at this point, as it is only three hours since we’ve been home from this 15-hour journey. Today mom had three surgeries scheduled. Mom, Janny & I head out for Moffitt at 5:30 am. All of us running on very little sleep and highly stressful situations. Mom’s emotions are getting the best of her and the poor little thing is in tears during the easiest part of all, admin. She is so frightened of the pain and rightfully so! After admin, we head to the breast clinic for a mammogram and the insertion of a wire, which will remain so they are able to cut out the correct area for testing (which is allegedly very painful as if they were shooting acid under her skin). This she feared the most. Turns out, this wasn’t even close to what she had been told. There was some pain but wasn’t bad at all and she begins to relax a little. Although that relaxation could have been generated by the Vicodin and valium she was utilizing to calm her nerves. Off to Pre-Op.
Everyone was so great! They all introduced themselves and it was very calming to know they were going to be with my mother when I was forbidden. I thought we would have some time to just hang out a little before they whisked her off to surgery, but NO, they were waiting for her. Time for her to go. That’s not enough time to express to someone who means so much, just how much you love them. There is always a risk when someone goes under the knife that they won’t come out of it. ’Don’t cry - Don’t cry - Don’t cry’, I continually repeated to myself. I am the strong one. I cannot let them wheel my mother away to a surgery that she is so frightened of and the last thing she sees is me . . . crying. She needs my strength and I will prevail!
Okay, now Janny & I have to find something to do to keep our minds off the situation. I’ve been trying desperately to NOT worry about things that I cannot change. Humor always works. Our family is particularly funny! Let’s make each other laugh. Okay, that works. Let’s get some other people involved. This is a surgical waiting room in a cancer clinic. Clearly, everyone here is under an immeasurable amount of stress and could use a laugh. I love to make people laugh. Somehow, when other people laugh, that makes me happy inside. I enjoy seeing others have happy times in the moment. And, sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying!
Okay, now what? It’s always fun to flirt with some hot guys (of course, if you can find any). Turns out, the supervisor for valet is pretty hot. Let’s keep an eye on him. Oddly, he must have been doing the same with me. Janny & I decide to go to the cafeteria and see him working and casually give a glance. As we’re getting off the elevator in another building, he is walking by at that exact moment. Hmm, can you say ’Hot Stalker’?
Doc S. came to tell us that mom had to go back into surgery because she was swelling at the port site and he was concerned. Oh God, what happened to it going well about an hour ago? He said one of us could go back and see her. Of course, that would be me! She looked so weak and frail. The tears begin to burn my eyes. Keep blinking, that always works. Blink, blink.
I was sent away again as they took her back to surgery. Okay, call the kennel and check on your other girl. She is not eating and has not eaten since I dropped her off on Monday evening at 5 pm. I miss her so much. More tears swelling and Janny’s watching. Hmm, good time for a bathroom break. ’Get it together’, I told myself in the bathroom.
Anyway, long story short . . . I started this entry three hours after we came home that day, but for some reason, couldn’t bring myself to complete it until now. Sorry for the delay. The moral of the story . . . You can’t judge a book by its cover because on the outside I appear very tough and can handle anything. However, on the inside, I feel as if I am falling apart, literally and my skin is the only thing holding my body together!
I’m curious as to just how much strength I really do possess before I actually snap. I’m hoping that doesn’t happen, but you hear about it all the time. Anyway, I am rambling now so I shall end here . . .
Today was a VERY productive, good day for us here. I had mentioned in one of my previous posts about a new vision that we are working on and I feel ready to announce it to you all. I have been very excited about this vision and can’t wait to get started with the ’planning’ stage, which is right after the ’secure funding’ stage!
Today I had lunch with a very dear friend of mine (which was a pleasure in itself as we haven’t had much time together lately, thanks TG!) and this guy is a good one to know for his wealth of knowledge, particularly about this type of thing. We discussed my vision and he thinks it is a really solid idea. He is going to reach out to some of his resources and see if he can hook me up with some folks who might be able to assist me in getting this project off the ground. I don’t think I’ve ever been more excited about a project in my life!
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