I’ll just say in the enablers head is this notion that if I don't give them (the addict) this harmful thing I don't love them. That's just a lie. That's a deception. Because I love you, I’m going to confront you and this harmful thing that you're doing. Some of you would easily confront somebody that was smoking cigarettes or doing some other harmful thing like drugs or something like that. But when you get to the subject of obesity and really ignoring your diet, especially when you have diabetes or when you have high blood pressure, its the same thing. It's a self-destructive habit that's out of control. And you just have to ask yourself am I the enabler? Am I the person that's helping this in some way?
My old pastor used to say at funerals when people say “oh God took them” we should be honest and say no the cigarettes took them. I know it sounds harsh. I keep apologizing for it but maybe I shouldn't. Because if somebody were messing up the money in the house, we might jump on that. There are other things that we are more serious about, but for some reason, we laugh when somebody overeats sweets or eats too much greasy food and just keeps going down this conveyor belt to shortening their life. It's a serious thing. I'm not saying it's going to be easy. It is not. It is not an easy thing to deal with. I've been married. I know making the wrong comment at the wrong time can really ruffle some feathers. Ruffled feathers or a wooden box? You know if I really love you there's no way I’m going to let you hurt yourself, even in small increments.
It may not look like you’re hurting yourself but look in your medicine cabinet, the truth is gonna be there. If you're 50 and over and you've been overeating and ignoring your diet, it’s gonna show up in your medicine cabinet. It's going to show up in your doctor bills. If I love you with any genuine sense of the word love, I'm going to do my very best to make sure that I'm helping you avoid things that are gonna be harmful to you. I’m certainly not going to a be a party, an assistant to it. Maybe that's just it. Maybe you haven't seen your role in it. Maybe you haven’t seen how you are contributing to this other person's addiction.
I encourage you to look at a show on intervention. Look at my 700-pound life. Look at those things and pick out the enablers. Then ask yourself, am I the enabler in my household? Am I the enabler? Am I one of the enablers? How do I escape being the enabler? Last point. If you love me…I'm helping YOU, if you loved me, you wouldn't get mad at me because I decided to stop helping you hurt yourself. If you loved me, when I try to help you, you wouldn't go off on me. That's not loving me. Just another way to think about it.
So again, this is Ivan at Fit@50. The whole point of Fit@50 and beyond is that we can have and enjoy life. That we can live a longer life. We can extend our life by the choices we make on a day-to-day basis. My daughter told me recently “dad you don't have to be perfect”! And she's right. It doesn't have to be this maniacal calorie-counting thing. I don’t count calories at all. I don't. I don't count calories. I read labels. I eat what I want to, but in moderation. I control what I eat and not the other way around. Just because I see it doesn't mean I have to eat it. The food doesn't control me. And it takes some discipline, but it's worth it. It is so worth it.
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