This is the other problem with being maybe-kind-of crazy. You can never tell if other people are actually rational or if it’s just your crazy showing. Either way, he definitely seemed to believe what he was saying, and he had just enough of an air of knowing it sounded crazy to make him seem not crazy without him actually sounding like he really thought what he was saying was crazy. It was a whole lot of crazy. This was probably the maybe-kind-of craziest table on Capitol Hill at that given moment.
“Look,” he said, “vampires have become hugely popular in fiction and film and all sorts of other pop culture media lately. But those ideas came from somewhere. Even Bram Stoker didn’t actually make it all up. He was drawing on folklore. And...some of that folklore was drawing on actual fact. Stoker sort of doctored it to make vampires vulnerable to God, but there’s still some truth in a lot of it.”
“So what you’re telling me,” I started, speaking slowly so I could get my thoughts in some kind of order before they came out of my mouth, “is that Dr. Sternquist — dorky, cardigan-collecting Sternquist — goes out hunting at night and drains innocent victims of their blood in order to sustain herself for the taxing life of being a professor of the single most boring subject offered at any university ever.”
“Don’t be silly,” he said with another hand wave. “I’m pretty sure her partner is a willing donor. And everybody knows that accounting is the most boring subject.”
Well. He had me there.
“She has a partner?”
I didn’t know when this had become more implausible than the blood-sucking, but it seemed like pertinent information at the time.
“That or a really, really close roommate.”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. Still wasn’t sure I believed in a god or gods, but I was maybe-kind-of starting to believe in vampires.
God or gods help me.
“Okay,” I said, leaning forward, mug in hands, kickass coffee basically forgotten about. “I don’t believe you, but tell me about vampires.”
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