I’m clinging onto life as we speak,
Laying in a hospital bed wondering how I’m alive.
My memory is shot as I’m writing this,
Wondering how I’m not dead right now.
My soul should be on its way to the heavenly gates,
So I can walk through there and see my parents again.
Life has been so hard since they’ve been gone,
My sister is sitting by my bedside looking at me.
She hugged me so tight as she was so emotional,
Knowing that I just tried to do what my dad did not too long ago.
I overdosed on the medication that I’ve been taking for a while,
Trying to end my life just the way it happened to my dad.
He went into cardiac arrest from all of the pills he ingested,
The doctors told me that I was dead but only for a few minutes.
They kept pumping my heart as I came back to life,
The doctors wouldn’t give up knowing my brain was still functioning.
I wanted to be mad at the doctors for continuing to try and revive me,
I’d rather be dead in the morgue right about now.
I surely didn’t expect or think my sister would be sitting here bedside,
In my mind, I’m thinking she’d be high in a crack house somewhere.
It’s not that I don’t care about my sister or love her,
But it’s hard to talk to a person when they’re constantly high and strung out.
I’m high off of my medication most days anyway,
Sometimes taking an extra pill to soothe my conscience.
I can’t have all of these clouded thoughts going on in my head,
I had to find a way to function and the prescription drugs did it for me.
Now I just wanted these prescription drugs to do one last thing,
And that was to take me to heaven and for my body to go six feet under.
I no longer love myself, my parents were the ones who kept me loving me,
They were my heart and soul, physically, mentally and emotionally.
Hiding the pain is so hard and me as a young man, I can’t be open,
Being vulnerable in a world of men being portrayed as strong is hard as it is.
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