Last night I woke up from my sleep screaming,
Another PTSD nightmare of what I experienced.
I was sweating profusely and I was out of sorts,
I didn’t know what to do with myself as my mom heard me scream.
Racing to my room as she turns on the light,
And wraps her arms around me as we cried together.
This has become a common occurrence with these nightmares,
Now my dreams turn into me going to the courthouse with media everywhere.
My bedsheets were full of sweat everywhere and I became restless,
Time to change my bedsheets once again because of these nightmares.
I’m no longer strong, I can’t deal with this anymore,
Why me? Why am I going through this? I don’t understand.
My head is full of convoluted thoughts that I can’t shake,
I start to backtrack to that night and think about what happened.
I question why the hell I screamed when the police arrived,
Why did I even go through this whole shit of filing a report?
Why did I go to the hospital for an examination?
Why did I go through a trial with these four animals?
Then I start to think of how many women are raped daily,
Some against their will and forcefully to where they’re helpless.
I have to remind myself that this is for the women who can’t speak,
Forced to live in silence, afraid of the person(s) who abused them.
Going to court everyday and having to listen to every detail of that night,
I have to sit behind these assholes and listen to the vitriol of lies their lawyers tell.
I start to drift into deep thought sitting in that crowded courtroom,
Thinking of how much money these lawyers make to concoct stories of lies.
It took an emotional toll on me dealing with this for over a month,
I’ve truly found out how strong I am sitting through that trial.
Some days I’d be strong and tough as ever, feeling empowered,
Other days, I’d be shedding tears and forced to walk out of the courtroom.
This whole ordeal has been a rollercoaster ride that won’t end,
Going up and down, upside down with loops, swoops and pulls.
The trial ended and they were all found guilty of rape and other charges,
I had a tough decision to make about being at their sentencing.
Did I want to deal with the media all over again in my face,
All of the police officers protecting me from these people in the media.
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