You never know how it feels until you go through it,
Feeling numb to everything and sometimes even emotionless.
You feel no one can help you through any of it,
There are days where you don’t want to get out of bed.
Therapists, psychologists, diagnosing, that doesn’t do much,
The medicine only cures the feeling, not the total mental state.
Depression is something that just follows you around,
It’s an enigma that just doesn’t go away ever.
The inevitable just happens sometimes and you feel down,
It can be something so small that’s going on in your life.
I go through it at the most random times,
Sometimes I can’t control it and I start to feel down.
I’ve been through so much in my life so it’s hard to be positive,
My mom passed away, my dad killed himself, my sister is a drug addict.
So I’m on medication that has side effects on my body,
My sister is on medication that could kill her faster than me.
We’re all screwed up in some sort of way in life so they say,
But you would never know what I’m dealing with because I hide it.
Keeping all of my feelings and emotions inside because I trust no one,
My family and closest friends to me aren’t my true allies.
My psychologist just feels like diagnosing me with depression,
Sometimes I wonder if I could even get better without the medication.
Adulthood takes a toll on your mind, body and soul.
I’m just the regular guy who makes people smile and laugh daily,
While I fight my inner thoughts all of the time and deal with sadness.
I take my medication when no one is around, I lie about my whereabouts,
No one knows I have a psychologist and I take medication for my troubled mind.
My medication isn’t kept in my medicine cabinet in the bathroom,
They’re in my dresser draw where I keep my underwear and socks.
Being depressed and sad regularly is a shameful thing to me,
Who knows where I get that mindset from, maybe societal programming of my mind.
Discussing how my mom died and my dad killing himself is so painful,
I get tears in my eyes when I even think of the two people who loved me unconditionally.
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