I am not am a victim of my circumstances,
My life has changed drastically since it happened.
It was just a harmless night of fun with a bunch of friends,
But it all went downhill when I lost track of my friends.
The alcohol got into my body and I was intoxicated,
Things didn't feel right and everything became a blur.
My memory was fading and I lost track of where I was,
The music felt psychedelic all of a sudden.
My mind and eyes became a trance and people were blurry,
The strobe lights didn't help the cause as I couldn't recognize people.
Lost in blurred thoughts and trying not to lose sense of my judgment,
Before I knew it, I was in a room surrounded by men.
I didn't know what to do as I was helpless,
They were all laughing and knew what they had done to me.
The punch that I was drinking was spiked with a drug,
Now I know why I feel the way I do.
Intoxication, nerves, and horror going through me,
As I'm ready to bolt out of this room but I can't.
You all know what happened next as my clothes were ripped off,
And 4 men attacked and raped me for a good 30 minutes.
Touching, grabbing, slapping, penetration,
As these drunk cowards were violating me through adrenaline.
I was trying to scream, yell, fight and claw,
But no one can hear me through the loud music downstairs.
Where are my friends? Why haven't they come looking for me?
All of these thoughts are racing through my mind.
I can't even describe all that happened to me,
The thought of how they violated me and stole my innocence kills me.
I felt worthless, dirty and not even human when they were done,
The nightmares and flashes running through my head are constant.
And threatened me with repercussions if I went to authorities.
Laying there naked and all alone in a corner,
With ripped clothes that I can't even wear home.
Shit, where is my purse, where is my wallet, cell phone,
Laying in this room in a ball crying my eyes out.
These guys that violated me I know them, I don't understand,
I thought they were cool and were my friends.
They just wanted to fuck me and thought it was cute,
And then I realized they left evidence in the room.
In a dizzy spell trying to collect myself from my drenched face of tears,
I managed to pull myself together and get dressed.
Eventually the police came and shutdown the party because of noise,
I heard them downstairs as I screamed, “somebody help me!”
They rush upstairs and I told them I was raped,
I then point to the garbage can of one condom left.
Who knows where the other three were as I was hysterically crying,
And thankful for these police officers they were there to help.
The ambulance comes and the ride to the hospital felt like an eternity,
It's going to be a long night of doctors and tests.
Sweat profusely coming through my pores with ease,
As my intoxication levels decline and the sober mind state kicks back in.
My hair is a mess, my makeup is ruined in sweat,
As the sirens are making my head throb more with pain.
I can hear the EMT talking to me but I can't formulate her words into sentences,
All I know is that I'm finally safe and sound for the moment.
People were probably wondering what happened to me getting in the ambulance,
I felt so embarrassed and ashamed of what happened to me.
In a community of people who all know each other,
The pieces of shit who violated me they are adored by everyone.
Athletes who attend a prestigious college and are future pros,
As I'm riding in this ambulance I'm in deep thought,
How many women have they done this to?
How many women have been drugged and violated?
I refuse to call them victims, they are human beings with names.
Arriving to the hospital as the stretcher was pushed in through the entrance,
With a blanket over me I was put in a wheelchair and brought into an exam room.
As I'm writing this and reflecting on this horrific memory,
You are probably wondering what race I am.
You are probably wondering if I was wearing something slutty,
You are wondering if I'm a promiscuous woman.
How many men have I slept with, did I want the sex,
Was my cleavage and ass showing through my clothes?
Did I lead the men on and invite them to that room?
Did I bend my ass over and tell them to fuck me senseless?
Well guess what, I was preparing for those questions from the police,
As they wanted to get me examined first and ask questions after.
I probably have traces of those men in my vaginal walls,
And what the hell does it matter if I was wearing a mini-skirt.
What does it matter if I was wearing a crop top and sexy heels?
Is that the criteria for a woman asking to be raped?
I'm tired of society making women out to be sluts,
It's perpetuated by the media all of the time.
We are considered victims, oh poor us,
It's time to put names to the women who have experienced it.
And the aftermath of us having nightmares about it,
Yes you can suffer from PTSD from events like this.
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